Thoughts From a Journey

Revelation

2012-01-18T21:01:00.003-06:00

Forgive me, but this post is going to be somewhat disorganized as many of my posts are. It will be an attempt to get some thoughts out in the world in the most organized way possible, but it will still be rather messy. I ask your forgiveness in advance and hope that in the midst of this scattered array of thoughts, you find encouragement.

I just finished The Hunger Games. Not all three. Just the first one. Now I'm desperate to get my hands on the next one, but that's irrelevant. What I want to say about that book right now is that it added to a stream of related revelations God has given me over the course of about a week. When I say "related" I mean they all fit together to form one big revelation. It's love-related as much of what God tells me is. I never get tired of love.

Lately, I've been struggling a lot with trust. Specifically, trusting God. I suppose most of us struggle with that at some point. It really makes no sense when you think about it, but nevertheless, it's a difficult thing to overcome. Perhaps it's like depression. Once you step into its grasp, you're engulfed in its darkness and getting out seems nearly impossible. But it's not impossible. In fact, nothing is with Christ as the Bible states. God lifted me up out of that hole and gave me a word of encouragement to share with any passing eyes that might fall on this blog. You may see it right below this post.

A lot of my worry has stemmed from irrationality that comes from my large capacity to feel. I've talked about it a little before. I'm a rarity in this world, or so I've been told by the Myers-Briggs personality test. My type is INFP in case you're wondering. When I read the portrait of INFP, I was shocked at how accurate it was. I mean it wasn't 100% accurate, but overall, it pretty much captured me. One of the big characteristics of an INFP is the major capacity to feel. I feel very deeply. Always have. In many cases, this has been an advantage and viewed by myself as a gift from God. It allows me to empathize with people very easily and understand them on a deeper level just by spending a little time with them. It allows me to find underlying meaning in everyday happenings. It allows me to see beauty in the seemingly ugly, dull, or mundane. Best of all, it allows me to connect with God more easily than others. But on the flip side of that, being a huge feeler has caused me more pain and grief than I think anyone should have to experience in certain situations. Before I knew anything about the Myers-Briggs test, I wondered if I really did feel more than other people or if I was just overly dramatic, a wimp. But as it turns out, there are people in this world who feel more than others. Unfortunately/fortunately, I am one of them.

So recently, God has shown me that my feelings must not control me. Though it may feel as though I will die inside, the truth remains. That truth is that I am loved by the God of this universe. No matter what is happening in my life to make me feel whatever it is I'm feeling, God is still God. God is still bigger. This revelation came to me on a recent camping trip I took at Big Bend National Park with The Net Young Adult Fellowship. The pastor's wife was our team leader on the first hike we took. At the beginning of the trail, we sat down together and did our devotion. What the devotion was about is not relevant to the subject of this post but one thing our leader said during it has remained etched in my memory and always will, I believe. I don't remember it verbatim, but it was basically this: In the midst of overwhelming emotions, we must remember what is true. Truth is what matters. Our emotions will come and go but truth never changes. And the truth is that God loves us. God will not forsake us. God is always with us. No matter what.

I've yet to mention a key note in this song of revelations. Meaningless. It's the title of my previous post and the reason trusting God has become a tad bit easier. Feelings, troubles, busyness, even joys, good times, and fun all mean nothing when stood in the shadow of our King. Not only do they pale in comparison, but they completely disappear. They may as well not even exist. One day, they won't. Time will claim all of it, but God and His love will last forever. And that brings me to my final note.

Love. It will last. It will always be, because God will always be. He is love, isn't He? Love is what's important. When the troubles of today come to mind and threaten to steal my joy, I throw love in the face of the enemy, and those thoughts shrink back into their darkness. Love prevails. Always. Even when it seems as though love does not win the fight, it does. Because in the end, the world will drown in the evil it has immersed itself in, but love will still be standing.

Back to The Hunger Games. It's a book about human rights, but its also about love. Though the world may beat us down, though darkness may overtake our physical bodies, though the prince of this world may rule over the hearts of the wicked, if our love is strong enough, it cannot be extinguished. We have a choice when it comes to our hearts. We can choose to let love reign or we can choose to let evil reign. And I'm speaking directly to Christians when I say that your hearts must choose love. We are light in this dark world. If we let the world bring us down, we're giving in to defeat. We're saying that Satan is stronger than us. He's not stronger than us. He isn't stronger, because we have Christ. Christ is stronger. Christ is in us. Therefore, we are stronger.

It's all meaningless compared to Love, compared to God. It's all meaningless, here one day, gone the next. One day, we'll all stand before our Creator and the former trials won't matter. What will matter is how we responded to them. What will matter is how we lived our lives. Did we live it for Him? Did we run the race with endurance? Did we love with all we had? Or did we live only for ourselves, wallowing in the pit of mud we created for ourselves from self-pity and complacency? It's our choice.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Meaningless

2012-01-12T20:02:00.001-06:00

Worry is a dangerous thing, isn't it? Worry only leads to one thing. More worry. And worry never got anyone anywhere in life. Nothing good is ever gained by worrying.

But seek first his kingdom

and his righteousness,

and all these things

will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

I've read that verse a million times. Okay, maybe not a million. But well over 50. Today, I really needed to read it. Some days a verse like this one just really resonates within me. This is one of those days.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

Oh my gosh, duh! So why do we do it? I find myself having to remind myself constantly that worrying is pointless. It doesn't matter how much we worry about something. What will be will be no matter the amount of time we spend worrying about it. God has a plan. We don't know that plan. But He does. And He knows exactly what He's doing. He doesn't need our help in bringing that plan to life either. All He wants from us is our cooperation and our trust.

And if knowing that God has everything under control, that He has a plan, and that He knows just how to carry it out doesn't put our minds at ease, then maybe understanding something else will. That is that everything, compared to God and our relationship with Him, is meaningless. Whatever you're worrying about, whatever bogs down your mind with countless thoughts, think about it right now and then think about God. And know this: IT DOES NOT MATTER. God matters. Your relationship with Him matters. Love matters. Love Him and love people. It all boils down to two commands. If you're doing those two things, then you have no reason to let the things of this world sneak into your thoughts, make you worry, and steal your joy. It's pointless. So try very hard to stop. Ask God for help. He will help you. He, especially, doesn't want you worrying. He wants all of your heart; not just the parts that aren't being stomped all over by pointless worry.

Ecclesiastes came to mind yesterday, so I read the book in one sitting. It's not difficult to do. It's a very short book. I'd read Ecclesiastes before, and to be honest, it always confused me. I never understood why such a seemingly negative book was even in the Bible. Why was Solomon talking that way? I think I understand now.

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”

says the Teacher.

“Utterly meaningless!

Everything is meaningless.”

Ecclesiastes 1:2

And he was right. Compared to our Creator, everything is meaningless. You may think it's important. By the world's standards, it may be incredibly important. It may be finances-related, heart-related, family-related, or something else-related, but whatever it's concerning, please remember that it is so miniscule compared to the love God has for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Just because you don't, doesn't mean He doesn't know what He's doing. Don't try to figure it out. Don't assume you already know. Trust Him. It's a lesson I have to learn over and over again. I'm so glad the Lord loves me enough to stick with me and continue to speak to me both about things I should already know and things I have yet to learn.

I hope this brings you some encouragement. I know I'm not the only one struggling with worry. As human beings, I believe we all do this. But God knows we're imperfect people, and He's still willing to stay with us and continue loving on us.

Love,

Sarah with an "h"

A Lesson Learned in 2011

2011-12-28T15:51:00.000-06:00

One thing I've always struggled with is patience. Haven't we all? Some more than others, though, right? I definitely fall into that category. People often irritate me. While I may not blow up at everyone who makes me mad, I still boil on the inside, and it often shows in my body language and on my face.

I was reminded of this vice yesterday while I was running around the Houston airport on my return trip from Isla Mujeres, Mexico where I was spending Christmas with my family (long story for another time). I was traveling with a friend of the family's, an elderly lady named Donna. I got off the plane in Houston first and a few minutes later, Donna emerged in a wheel chair being pushed by a black woman who, judging by her accent, was obviously not from the States. I would guess she was from Jamaica but I'm not certain. Her accent was thick and she couldn't completely comprehend what we were telling her all of the time. I was hungry and exhausted having been up since 6am, so this frustrated me. Then I realized that this woman was extremely pushy and thought I was completely incompetent. Always turning around, ordering me to follow her as if I was a 7 year old who might get lost, she aggravated me to a point where I was near letting her know about it. She insulted me for doing things wrong, grabbed my boarding pass and passport from my hand so that she could do everything for me, and gloated when I forgot to remove a water bottle from my backpack before sliding it through security. My pride was being trampled and I was about to lose it.

In the back of my mind, I knew I was being ridiculous. But it took a few hours to pass and some venting to a friend for me to clear my mind enough to actually acknowledge the fact. I don't believe she was trying to be rude. Perhaps her attitude was just a reflection of her cultural background. Perhaps her over-zealousness was a result of fear that if she didn't do a good job, she might lose her job. And perhaps, I was just being overly sensitive. Yeah... I was.

I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to let the Lord fix this lack of patience in me. As the new year fast approaches, I think back on the year 2011 and remember what He has shown me in it. There have been many lessons learned, many things realized, but one thing stands out--one thing that has helped me in the patience department. Everyone has a story and everyone needs to be loved.

In a recent blog, I wrote about my new-found love for people. My love for people is born from the realization that they are all more than just faces in a crowd. They're all hearts and souls like me. The lady in the airport is no exception. They all have stories filled with joy and sadness alike. And they aren't all the same. Everyone has a different story to tell. At first, I was merely intrigued by people. But I'm a feeler and it's nearly impossible for me to just see people as subjects of interest. I empathize with them. I feel what they feel to some extent and honestly desire to know more about them. I've actually held this love for people for a long time, but it hasn't been apparent to me until this year.

In all honesty, I don't love everyone. I would like to be able to say that I love everyone and mean it with all my heart. But I can't. I don't love the people who irritate me in the grocery stores with their rudeness or the people who honk at me on the road. Perhaps I would if I knew them personally. But my love is limited. And so is my patience. I do want that kind of love. I ask God for it. He hasn't just granted me love for every human being, but He has shown me that people are worth loving--even if they aren't always easy to love. He's shown me that there's more to them than meets the eye.

He's shown this to me in many ways this year. In Panama, He showed me with my encounter with William, a Rasta who made Macrame jewelry on the streets of Bocas del Toro. I was amazed at his willingness to hear me talk about my faith and his gratefulness upon receiving the Bible I gave to him one day. He lived a life of darkness and was completely lost in the lies of his so-called religion. But he was kind and had a gentle spirit. He needed love. So I loved him as best I could as his friend and did my best to point Him to the One who loves him unconditionally.

When my family and I came back home from Panama, I began working at The Tarpon Inn in Port Aransas and became friends with all of my coworkers. Most of them lived lives completely different from mine. But I loved them. Each of them inspired me in some way. Each of them brought some sort of charm to The Tarpon Inn experience. And like William, they all had stories. They were not just faces. They were much more than that.

At The Net, I've met many lovely hearts. There are so many inspiring people at The Net. And The Net has played such a key role in pulling me outside of my comfort zone enough that I could come to the realization that I was never meant to be a loner. I was meant to live among people, to love people.

Yes, everyone has a story. There are no exceptions. I just wish I would have remembered that yesterday while smoke was coming out of my ears in the Houston airport.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

--Colossians 3:12-14

Love,

Sarah with an "h"

Chocolate Coffee Memories

2011-12-07T16:54:00.000-06:00

I find myself in solitude fairly often these days. This afternoon, it's just me, my cat, and Mr. Bing Crosby. I like solitude at least a couple times throughout the week. It allows me time to ponder and reflect and of course, write.

This afternoon, I'm remembering. As I sit here on my partly deflated air mattress (I haven't been able to accumulate enough money or desire to go and buy a real bed), computer in lap, Bing singing "Deck the Halls," I reach over for my cup of chocolate coffee every couple of minutes, sip and am flooded with memories. My dad first introduced me to chocolate coffee when I was very young. I couldn't have been older than 8 or 9. (I hope he doesn't get mad at me for sharing with the world that he let his 8 year-old daughter drink coffee. Ha ha) It was back when he still captained the Bearcat, a crew boat used for taking workers back and forth from oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico. My younger brother, John, and I would often tag along with him on trips. One cold, winter day, while we were at work with him, he filled a Styrofoam cup with coffee, emptied a packet of instant hot chocolate into it, and gave me my first cup of chocolate coffee. After that first time, I always had to beg him to make me some. I guess he didn't want me to stunt my growth or something.

This memory is pretty irrelevant to anything going on in my life right now. It's just something that makes me smile when I think about it. Isn't it the little things about our parents we remember the most? I guess I'm thinking about things like this right now because it's Christmas, and Christmas always makes me sentimental. Every Christmas, I remember Christmases past and ponder the changes with each of them. None of them is ever the same as the one before it. They used to be somewhat similar. But that was before my family became a bunch of gypsies. Ha! Ha! I hope my parents don't get mad at me for that. We're aren't exactly "gypsies." We're just...unconventional. And I like it that way. My favorite Christmas memories are still those from my early childhood (I'm sure I've blogged about them somewhere in blog land), but the other memories I've obtained from a life of travel and excitement are worth the less traditional Christmases we've had in the last few years.

Truthfully, I'm just so incredibly thankful that all 20 Christmases I've experienced have been experienced with the ones closest to me, my family. I know many folks who don't have the privilege of being with their family every Christmas. Perhaps, one day that will be me. As much as I try to prohibit the process, we must all grow up. I'm having to do a whole heap of it this year! But I still get to be with my family this Christmas, and I'm going to soak up every last, tiny, memory-making moment I can. I encourage you to do the same--no matter who you're with this Christmas.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Love is Not a Pansy

2011-11-24T23:09:00.000-06:00

What does it mean to guard your heart? I've often wondered this. I've been told countless times by older women to "guard your heart." I always nodded in agreement, but honestly, I never understood what that really meant--until tonight.

I opened my Bible to Psalm 4:23 and read in confusion as I usually do. And what about the second half of that verse? "...for it is the wellspring of life." What the heck does that mean?? So I decided to read the entire chapter very carefully. Perhaps it would help if I read it in context. Slowly, it began to make sense. So then I Googled, "How to guard your heart." Yes, I did. I Google everything, people. And you should be glad I Googled this because I'm about to share with you some valuable information.

First of all, I feel I should remind everyone (including myself) that the heart is an extremely important part of the human being. No, I don't mean the organ (although that is also a very vital part). It's the place through which the Lord often speaks to us. It's the most vital piece of us that is changed when we receive Christ. It's what He sees when He looks at us. AND...it is the wellspring of life. In other words, it is the place from which everything we do in life flows. Our words, actions, and ways of life will reflect our hearts. If your heart is pure and noble, then naturally so will the way you live. If your heart is selfish and hardened, then naturally so will the way you live. It is a fact, and it is unchanging since the beginning of time. I'm not saying your life will be perfect if you love Jesus. You'll still screw up. You're human. Humans do that. But overall, your life ought to reflect Him who lives in your heart.

Second, guarding this heart of yours is actually quite simple. It may not be easy all of the time, but the method of guarding it is not difficult to understand. Give it to God. Really. That's it. Your heart belongs to God anyway, so why not let Him have it instead of strewing it all over creation freely and carelessly for other people to tear apart?

In order to do this, we must spend time with Him. I emphasize "must" because it is vitally important. Please, if you remember anything about this post, remember that time with God is essential to making your heart His. It is essential to becoming closer to Him. Without it, it's as if you're nothing more than an acquaintance of God's. You're that bum "friend" who never calls except to ask for money. Don't be that bum.

Giving our hearts fully to God will result in our falling madly in love with Him. And falling madly in love with Him will stir within us this overpowering desire to know more about Him and to be where He is all the time. We'll begin to see life in a new way. We'll begin to see people threw His eyes. Love for Him will overflow out of our hearts onto the people around us.

I think that subconsciously I had convinced myself that "guarding the heart" meant shutting it off. Fear of heartache is what prompted this notion, I believe. But what good is that? That's like turning off a computer with a virus instead of trying to fix the problem. It doesn't do anyone any good. The computer still has a virus and you can't check your Facebook. We can't just shut our hearts off. We have to examine them. We have to give them to God to fix.

Real love is strong. It doesn't just quit when things get tough. I think we often forget that we're supposed to love our friends as well as our enemies. It sounds crazy but I think it's true. I've read so many devotions on "loving your enemies" but when it comes to loving those who should be easiest to love, we seem to be lacking. I think this is because it is supposedly easy so we don't feel like we have to really try. We think we already know all about it. "Of course, I love them," we say, "They're my friends!" But what about when these friends hurt us or disappoint us? What about the ones who walk away? What about when things get tough? How many of us give up on love and sever friendships because things start to turn sour? We place our hearts in the hands of fellow human beings instead of in the hands of God, and they hurt us. So then we ditch them and walk off, broken. It's a common story. So many broken hearts--so many loveless hearts--are roaming around out there because they weren't guarded. We have to give our hearts to God so He can help us love. Only through Him can we love with real love, love that fights and never gives up--no matter what.

That last part was resting heavily on me while I was talking to God this evening. I never really thought about it until then. Guarding your heart isn't severing connections. It's giving it to God and letting Him train it to love with His kind of love--the real kind of love. That's love that fights and doesn't quit.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving!

People

2011-11-20T20:08:00.007-06:00

I like people. I do. And that's weird. It's weird because I didn't used to. Not really. From about age 11 to 14 I was pretty reclusive. I didn't feel I needed friends. I had friends but not many. I was painfully shy and lacked confidence. So I naturally kept to myself for the most part. Then something changed. At 15 I decided I was done being a shy hermit with no friends. So I promised myself and God that I would make real effort to tear down the barriers I'd set for myself and step outside my comfort zone.

Today, I'm a different person. Just in the last few months, I've walked about a mile outside my comfort zone. I'm still an introvert, but I'm a more extroverted introvert than I once was. I've decided I don't want to be an extrovert, though. I tried it for a few weeks and grew tired of it. I'm content with being an introvert with extrovert tendencies. By "extrovert tendencies" I mean that, as stated in the first paragraph, I like people. I love to meet new people, to talk to them, to learn about them. I'm now one of those weirdos who will, on occasion, walk up to a complete stranger in a coffee shop and talk to them. It's rare. But it happens. It's amazing the interesting people one can meet in a coffee shop. Coffee attracts all types. Did you know that? Hannah, if you're reading this, surely you can attest. ;)

With this new-found love for people has come a sea of new friends. Also, I'm learning that friendship among Christians is beautiful and challenging. The beauty makes the challenge worth it. Anytime people become involved in other people's lives, conflict arises. People argue and hurt each other. Friends jump to conclusions about other friends. Uncomfortable situations present themselves. Awkwardness becomes a familiar thing. But so does love and joy. So does the peace in knowing you're surrounded by fellow Christ-lovers who will hold you accountable and walk with you on the, oftentimes, rocky road of faith. We need God more than anything. But God knew we needed human companionship. That's why He didn't stop with Adam.

As for my non-Christian friendships, I count them as blessings, too. They have allowed me the opportunity to reach out to people and grasp a deeper understanding of God's love. I only hope I haven't screwed up too much in my humanity and am reflecting that love.

This post, like all of my posts, was written without any plan of action. I just wanted to share what God has shown me about myself and about other people. I love people. And people are worth loving.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

--1 John 4:7

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Wait

2011-11-16T23:15:00.002-06:00

One word said over and over in most of my prayers these days is “restless.” I'm always restless to some degree but sometimes I'm just more so than other times. There is so much I want to do with my life that it's overwhelming to think about it all. I know I'm only just about to be 22. But I've never thought like a normal young person. I feel like I have to do everything right now because life is short and you never know how much life you're going to get. So I agonize over all the things I dream of doing and have yet to do.

Ever since I was little, maybe 6 or 7, I've wanted to travel. Of all the things I love, travel is the oldest friend. It's the oldest dream I have—to see the world. I used to have dreams about walking the streets of London. London was the very first city I wanted to visit. That's because of all the history it possesses. History is my second oldest friend. Since those early years I have dreamed of traveling. Every so often I would become almost unbearably restless, wishing I could just fly away to some far off land. (I didn't name my second blog “Restless Romantic” just because it sounded nice.)

I still go through those times of restlessness. But it's different now. Now, I have a relationship with the one and only Jesus Christ. And if I am a Christ follower I must believe that the Lord has my life in His hands. The thing is...if God wants me to see more of the world then I will see more of it. If He doesn't then I won't. But regardless, I want to be in His will. I've been in and out of it and I can say from experience that it is much better to be in it—even if that means waiting a while for things to happen or doing things differently than how I planned. In fact, I try not to plan. I find it pointless since God usually disregards them, anyway. He usually has bigger things in mind.

So these days I'm trying to wait on the Lord...patiently. Key word there is “patiently.” In my opinion, anyone can wait. But for most of us it's a bit more challenging to do so patiently.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

--Psalm 130:5

Love,

Sarah with an “h”

No Longer Numb

2011-11-07T22:26:00.000-06:00

For much too long, my heart has been hard and I have been numb. Prayer was a struggle. Words were empty and silence was even more so. The world had suffocated me. The trivial issues that surround me in everyday life had burdened me and pulled me away from the closeness I once had with my God. No matter what I did I could not escape. No matter how hard I tried I could not feel that presence I had felt before. I felt very little at all actually. I felt stress and frustration. I felt restless. But that was it. I was just trapped.

But recently the Lord has begun to soften my hard heart. He's begun to show me some things about myself, about other people, and about Himself that I can't possibly know and not be amazed--not be softened.

Last night I had to say goodbye to someone I care a lot for. I've had to say goodbye to this someone many times before because he's in the Navy and every time it hurts just like it's the first time. Tomorrow, I will have to say goodbye to my aunt, uncle, and 3 adorable little cousins as they are going back home to Alaska after a 2 week visit here in Texas. In a few weeks, I will have to say goodbye to my mom, dad, and 2 brothers as they are going to Mexico for a job my dad has that takes him there a few months out of the year. Last night, as I drove home after saying farewell to my friend it hit me. I hate goodbyes. We all do. We hate goodbyes because we want to be near each other and it hurts when we're apart. This is because God made us to need each other. And that is beautiful.

I don't know why but that realization brought peace to my hurting heart. And my hurting heart brought me back to the feet of Jesus. For the first time in a long time, I talked to the Lord and felt Him. It had been so long since I'd felt Him there with me. Life had distracted me and my stubborn, prideful self refused to give it completely over to Him. But last night, my heart was completely tenderized by the experience of having to say goodbye once again and realizing that there are some things in this life that can't be "figured out." I was reminded that life is a little more complex than that because we're human. We grow attached to one another and we love and we risk everything on friendships and we hurt--often. This can't be helped. Thank God! What would life be if we didn't have such hearts? But we can't cure ourselves of pain. That's why we need Jesus.

The day before yesterday I was struggling with burdens weighing heavily on me. So I prayed. And I read a couple Psalms. One was Psalm 139. It's one that just basically talks about how God knows us. Do you know how amazing that is? He knows us better than we know ourselves! He's that awesome. And He's accessible. We can talk to Him whenever we want! He has plans for us. Beautiful plans. Why shouldn't we trust Him? I was lying on my back on my blow-up mattress I'm sleeping on right now just thinking about all of that when suddenly, it hit me like a massive wave of salt water right in the face. God knows me. He knows me from the inside out. He's known me since before I was born. He knows my beginning and my end. He knows it all. And I can trust Him. Then I sort of started freaking out because this would mean nothing if God didn't exist. If the atheist was right and God was just a figment of our imaginations, then to say He knows me through and through and that I can trust Him with my life would be foolishness. But God is real. He's REAL! He's here right now. And He's big. Really big. He's our Creator for crying out loud. He's that great and we get to talk to Him. We get to be called His children! How can we not be completely stoked about this?!

So with these revelations or whatever you want to call them, my heart has bean beaten and bruised. And it feels wonderful. Because I couldn't even feel a few days ago. At least that's how I see it compared to right now. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I couldn't find words. But writing it out is always easier so I thought a blog post would be a good idea.

I don't know what the future holds. Lately, I've been freaking out a little bit with the fear that I could be stuck where I am right now forever. But I know I won't. God has a plan and as long as I trust and follow Him, everything will be fine. That's just all there is to it.

I'm sure there's a lot I haven't included in this post that I want to share. So I'll just have to write more as they come to me. Goodnight.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

A Memory and a Reminder

2011-10-07T16:19:00.000-05:00

Last night I woke up at around 1:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. Thoughts whirled in my head. They wouldn't quit. These thoughts were many, and most of them added stress to my restless mind. Then, a different sort of thought entered my mind. It was a memory. It was a memory from more than 8 years ago. My family and I were in Flamingo, Costa Rica. It was our first time in another country. I lay in bed remembering this time and how surreal it was. The memory was so vivid that it was as if I had gone back in time. It's surreal to remember so vividly. It's even more surreal to remember something that was surreal in itself so vividly. I had lived in Texas all my life, which was 13 years at the time. I was so young. But that trip outside my little world in Texas changed me. I grew up a little more than the average 13 year old. I found out that life was more than that which I'd known for 13 years. And I'll never stop believing that that was the year God opened my eyes and showed me I would do more than just survive in this life.

I've always been restless. But that year I was ruined. How could I return and live a life of normalcy? How could I settle for what society said was good instead of what God said was good--for me. I'd seen things in Costa Rica, Panama, and Mexico that year that I couldn't forget. And I was ruined. I was ruined for this mundane existence. I wanted more.

I think we all want more. But only a few of us want it enough to run after it. Too many of us settle. And it's not just about chasing your dreams. It's not just about living life to the fullest. If you're a follower of Christ, it should be about following Him with your whole heart, mind, and soul. It should be about following Him with your life, no matter how it looks. If God is calling you to a life of wealth, good. If He's calling you to a life of poverty, good. If He's calling you to the streets of Uganda, good. If He's calling you to the suburbs of New York, good. Wherever He's calling you, go. Whoever He's calling you to be, be that person. I know it's easier said than done. Believe me. I know it all too well. But I don't just write these things to encourage you. I also write them to encourage myself. I need to be reminded of this stuff, too. Last night, I was. With a vivid memory.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Complete Nonsense

2011-09-22T22:27:00.000-05:00

As usual I don't actually have a set topic for this blog post. I just figure I'll start typing and see what happens.

I have a lot floating around in my mind these days. I don't really know what to make of most of it. I wish I could just combine it all and create this awesomely amazing post for anyone bored enough to read my ramblings, but I'm afraid that if I attempted such a thing I would fail at the awesomeness and just create a hugely confusing jumble of words. So I'll limit it to one thought. Maybe I'll include some "sub thoughts" too.

I wish the world would realize that life is more than the mundane. I wish people could see that there's more to life than just surviving. I wish they could see it's about more than making enough money to pay the bills and afford the nice house and fancy gadgets. I wish the world would wake up from the sleep it's fallen into with its sameness from day to day. Is it just me or does the average human being (or maybe just American?) live his life from one boring pattern that rarely changes day after day? How long has it been since you stepped out and did something unconventional?

I'm not in college. I'm 21. And I'm not in college. Why? Because I'm not ready to go to college. When I tell people this, often times I get this blank, confused stare. Yeah, it is a bit odd. According to the rest of society I should have gone to college right out of high school. I should have changed my major about 3 times by now. And I should be drowning in debt. But that isn't the case.

I don't understand why society has become so wrapped up in such temporary things. College is important, don't get me wrong. However, I don't believe it's for everyone, and I sure don't believe you have to go to college to be successful in life. I also don't believe you have to get married, buy a house and a couple nice cars, have 3 children, retire at the age of 50, and buy a vacation home in Hawaii to be successful. Why do we need this? So at the end of our lives, we can look back and say we had everything the world could offer but nothing that really mattered? Aside from a family, we gained nothing that truly mattered.

It bothers me. But what bothers me more is that I know these things and yet, I still become complacent. I still have a hard time getting off my butt. I don't want the so-called American dream. I've always wanted something different. And I've had something different. Completely different. But I still get stuck sometimes. My problem is that I have trouble getting started with anything. I have trouble with this because I have trouble with commitment, and I know that once I start something, I'm committed. I'm also the type that rarely quits. And that's good. But my commitment issue makes things slightly complicated. Maybe lots of other people share this problem. I'm sure they do.

There's something I feel like the Lord is calling me to do. But I'm not sure. I'm scared to try because I'm afraid it's not really God but just me and my crazy imagination. I don't want to start and then a little ways down the road find out this wasn't the way God wanted me to go. Looking ahead, I can see the reward and the potentially awesome things God could do, and I become really excited. But then I start thinking about the road to that point and wonder why on earth God would pick me of all people to do this.

But returning to my original thought, I know I want to do great things for my Maker. I'm always "preaching" on the brevity of life and how we have to live for what's really important and do the things we're called to do while we still can. So why is it so hard for me to put that into practice myself?

I was at Coffee Waves this afternoon/evening for 5 hours today...thinking. I was hanging with my friend who works there, too, but I was also just thinking. I think too much. I couldn't make myself do anything. I wanted to do nothing. But it didn't feel right. And neither did doing something. I tried reading. I tried working on Judahfest stuff. I tried to be somewhat productive. But I couldn't no matter how uncomfortable it felt. Brandon (my barista friend) probably thinks I'm a weirdo because all I could do was sit there and wander around Coffee Waves and play with my phone. I was just being completely unproductive...and thinking. But thinking did me no good. I didn't solve my problem. I didn't figure out what God wanted. I accomplished absolutely nothing. Finally, I left about an hour before closing time. Now, I'm home. I'm writing because it's all I want to do. I don't know how many people actually read these things. I used to care. I don't anymore. I'd like to do more with this writing of mine. I'd like to do more with this thing God gave me that I love so much. And that's just another thing I've become complacent about. Somebody slap me and tell me that life is short and I better start living like I know it!

Okay, that's all I got. I'm gonna go talk to God about all of this now. Maybe I should've done that first...

Goodnight!

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

How to Love

2011-08-27T20:25:00.000-05:00

A couple days ago I read a chapter in a book. The chapter was about love. I know that it seems like I'm always writing about love but I seriously just can't get enough of it! God's always showing me new things in relation to love. The chapter was about "really loving other people." I don't know about you but I sometimes--er, often--have a hard time loving other people. Aren't we by nature a judgmental people? I know I am. I really go out of my way to give people the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions about them. But I don't always succeed. In this chapter the author brought up a story about a guy he didn't like. He didn't approve of him and wanted him to change his ways, ways he knew were wrong by God's standards. So instead of loving him he withheld love. He rolled his eyes, called him a loser under his breath, and just gave off "I don't like you" vibes. That was his way of trying to get this guy to stop being the way he was. It didn't work. Instead it just made the guy dislike him. What the author came to realize and share at the end of the chapter was that love is the only thing powerful enough to change. That's how Jesus changed the world after all. So the author began to poor out love on this guy, and after a while he began to realize that he actually liked him. He was funny and cool to hang out with. And after a while, the guy began to turn from his "wicked ways." It's true that people are more likely to believe what you believe is true if you like them and they like you. So wouldn't it be even more true if love was involved?

God doesn't hold love back from us. We don't deserve any of it, and yet He lavishes us with it. He LAVISHES us with it! In other words, He gives us more than we could possibly need, more than we could possibly comprehend. So why is it so hard for us to share that love with our fellow humans?

These days I'm praying that God will let me see people through His eyes. I want my heart to be open to His awesomeness and love--for myself and to share with others. I don't care who they are, where they came from, what they've done, or what they're doing. I want to love them. I want to see them through the eyes of their Maker. Last night, I had an experience where I was looking at a group of people who had just made a commitment to Christ. Some were crying. Some were smiling. Some were calm with a simple look of peace on their faces. For a moment I just looked at them and I could feel this fullness in my heart that I only feel from time to time. I think it was the love of God. No. I know it was. I think there are times when I really do look at people and see them as God sees them--or at least have a small glimpse. I wish I could see them that way all the time. I wish we all could. I often wonder if there are people who can. If it's possible I want that. Maybe it isn't possible until we're completely free from the influence of this world. Either way, I want it. It feels good to love.

Since we're on the topic of people, here, read this. I read it and it really made sense to me. Perhaps if we took into account the fact that we DON'T KNOW the hearts of people we would have an easier time loving them. Because we're all sinners in need of forgiveness and the love of Jesus. Maybe if we spent less time and energy trying to figure people out and making assumptions about them we would have more time and energy to love them. Just a thought. :)

LOVE,
Sarah with an "h"

P.S. The book I'm reading is Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller...because I know you were wondering. ;)

Orchestrated

2011-08-05T18:20:00.000-05:00

I can't stop thinking about it. I can't pretend it isn't true. It's the orchestration of life. It's the thought--the knowledge--that life is more than just a series of accidental occurrences. And if life is orchestrated, that means that we were planned. We, as human beings, were planned. And not only that. We're wanted--and loved--by the Great Orchestrator.

Who are you? Do you know? Whether you believe it or not, you're a loved creation--so loved that someone laid down His life for you. His name is Jesus. You may not know it, but you need to know Him. I hope one day you will.

If you already know Jesus, did you know you have a huge responsibility in this life? Did you know there's a reason you're surrounded by unbelieving people? They need to know what you know. Your path has been painted. Your story has a plot. Where you are is not an accident. Never underestimate the importance of your walk on this earth. Never underestimate God's creativity. He knows exactly what He's doing. Every aspect of your life has meaning. You are called for a purpose. The root of that purpose is love. Can you grasp that? The importance--the greatness--of love? Nothing compares. Not even God--because God is Love. You can't compare God to Himself. ;)

Anyway, this is just something that's been stirring within the last few weeks. Lots has happened in my life, and looking back I'm just amazed at how the chapters line up with each other. The people I've met, the places I've seen, the experiences I've had--they've all had a purpose. I've loved and been loved, helped and been helped, inspired and been inspired... It's an amazing life... He is an amazing God.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Awaken Me

2011-07-16T19:02:00.001-05:00

I cannot count the times I've attempted to sit down and write a blog post. Something has always kept me from getting the words down. It was just a couple days ago that I realized that I hardly ever write anymore. Ever since I got back from Panama my creative fountain seems to have run dry. I rarely even journal anymore. Why? The written word is such a huge part of me. I love it. I've loved it since I was still in the single digits. What's wrong with me? These questions are rhetorical, don't worry.

My "writer's block" issue stems from a bigger problem, though. It's not just that I can't write. It's also that my passion has been sucked right out of me. I'm a follower of Christ, a Jesus Freak. But my faith isn't what it was before I returned from Panama. My heart, passion, and imagination have been strangled nearly lifeless by dull, boring, and mundane. I wish I had a dollar for the times I've wished I was back in Panama. There, life was simple. There, I had time to sit and talk with my Father, my Best Friend. There, I fell in love with Him. There were no distractions. Life may have been boring at times but never mundane. The dull moments were filled with amazing fellowship with God. Just me and Him sitting together in my tiny v-berth. Now, life is mundane. Not all the time. Not when I find myself among good friends. Not when I sit in my friend, Becky's living room for Bible study. Not when I'm promoting for JudahFest. Not when I'm dreaming about future missions. But the other times, the times when I'm working my butt off at work, staring at my bank account, stressing about forgetting to make payments, realizing that nothing in life is free, I feel so...asleep. I'm restless. I don't want to be here. I want to be in Panama. I want to go to Haiti. But I know this is where God wants me right now. Sometimes, that's comforting. Sometimes, it's frustrating. Because even though I know I'm where I'm supposed to be I know there's more I'm supposed to be doing.

The other day I broke down and went to God with my frustrations about feeling passionless and far from Him. Then, without thinking much about it I opened my Bible and happened up Luke 22:31-32:

"Simon, stay on your toes. Satan has tried his best to separate all of you from me, like chaff from wheat. Simon, I've prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out. When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and give them a fresh start."

These words from Jesus to Peter found me at a time when I seriously needed them. I've read them before. Many times. But isn't it amazing how you can read something a million times, not have it mean anything to you, and then one day read it and be blown away? That's totally a God thing in case you wondered.

To me, those words are a reminder that the Enemy is constantly working against us, trying to separate us from Christ, but that we can stay strong if we keep our eyes on Him. It's a reminder that Christ is for us. He said it right there: I've prayed for you...that you not give in or give out. He cares! A lot!

So I'm going through a dry area in my walk right now. I haven't wanted to admit that. Mostly because I don't want it to be true. I'm not ashamed. Every Christian has to go through them. I just wish we didn't. It's so much easier and more fun to be a Christian when you're full of zeal and energy. I can't say that's me right now but I know it will be again sooner or later. Hopefully sooner than later.

The problem is that I'm prone to boredom and Satan knows that. All this being an adult stuff has made me extremely bored. Does anyone else find it hard to be inspired by "grown-up things"? I know there's something missing right now. I just don't know what it is. I'll keep y'all posted, though. Hopefully my posts will become more frequent again soon.

I heard Misty Edward's song, Awaken yesterday and oh. my. goodness. That song is so my song right now. The whole song is amazing. Check it out.

Put Your hand upon my heart. Awaken me, Lord.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Freedom

2011-06-01T16:28:00.000-05:00

I just want to be free. These are the words I've been repeating over and over to myself lately. I want freedom from the mundane, freedom from the distractions, freedom from all of that which holds me back. Because if I'm being totally honest here, I feel like a caged bird. The crazy thing is that the door on the cage is open. It just seems like everytime I try to fly through it, something gets in the way and stops me.

I haven't blogged in a while. These days, I've been having a really hard time gathering my thoughts. I haven't even journaled in a few weeks. There's just a lot going on in my head--and heart--right now. Where do I start?  When I started this blog back in 2009 it was never my intention to pretend. I want to be completely real with anyone who stumbles across this blog. So here goes.

Since coming back from Panama my life has become a little more complex.  That's not totally bad. But I crave simplicity. Our time in Panama really showed me that. But I also love to be busy and have lots of things to do. I love to feel like I'm making a difference in the world.  And that's certainly where I'm at right now.  That aspect of my life is wonderful. But along with the productive busyness is also the complete waste of time stuff that has wiggled itself back into my life. Facebook, TV, cell phone, etc. are huge parts of my average day. And that bothers me. Yet, I can't seem to shake them off. Why would I rather watch TV than spend time with my God? Why would I rather text or talk on the phone than talk to my best Friend? What is wrong with me?

Alright, so I know what's wrong. I'm all too aware of the problem. His name starts with "S" and ends with an "atan."  And yeah, I know that anyone who reads this and isn't a Christian will roll their eyes at that statement.  That's alright. Well, actually it's not. Satan always works best when he's unsuspected. So I have no real excuse here, do I?  No excuse except that I'm human.

That's what's been nagging at me a lot lately. That and the fact that I've let the mundane bring me down. I've forgotten who I am and that I am called to a purpose. I feel like my priorities have gotten totally mixed up. What should be at the top of the list is at the bottom or somewhere in the middle, and vise-versa.

I just want to be free. I want to live wholeheartedly and completely sold out for the God who gave me life. I want to love Him with all my heart. I want that love to overflow onto the people around me. I want my heart to break for the lost again and be consumed with the desire to share Jesus with them. So I guess this blog is just my way of officially starting to get myself back together--or rather letting God put me back together.

Freedom is what I crave. Freedom from the chains of this world. Freedom to live without fear, without hesitation, and with a heart and mind facing Heaven. That freedom is found in one place and one place only. That freedom is found in the arms of Jesus.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

To My Fellow Christ Follower

2011-01-31T22:14:00.000-06:00

I haven't blogged over here in a while. It's not that God hasn't been speaking to me. I've had so much I've wanted to write about over these past couple of months but I've lacked motivation. Tonight, though, I feel like there's something I need to say.

Since Christmas I've been on a journey I feel I should call new. That was the day I decided to honestly seek God with all my heart. I took Deuteronomy 4:29 to heart and put it to the test. I feel like I have "found" God. Or at least begun to. My main goal was to find myself completely in love with God. Well, if I'm being honest I'm not there yet. But I do love Him. And I'm seeking to love Him more each day.

In drawing nearer to God He's revealed a few things to me. One of the bigger things He's shown me is a great burden I have for the Church. 2 books have influenced me a lot over these past couple of months in my way of looking at the Church and my approach to it. One is this free book (Yes, free! Go grab your copy now!) and Francis Chan's Crazy Love. Now, anyone who's read my blog before knows that I could probably write for hours on love by itself. It's my favorite thing to write about. When God reveals anything to me concerning love I feel like I'm floating on the clouds for days. Being here in Panama the Lord has broken my heart for the hurt I've encountered. And the odd thing is that my heart has broken not only for the people in this country but for the folks back home as well. It's not that I never cared for them but I never cared the way I do now. I've known for a few years now that whatever I did with my life I wanted to be sure I was helping people. And my heart is burdened for anyone in need in anyway. But right now, my urgency is especially for my fellow disciples.

To be frank I'm afraid. I'm concerned about the American church's focus. It's apparent to me that it's lost sight of the goal, which is to first, love God and second, love people. I could write an entire blog on the loss of focus in the American church. But that's not the plan tonight. No, I want to talk about community. I feel we've lost that spirit of community the early church had. As a result of that community the focus was not lost because everyone loved and helped each other along the path, determined to keep each other strong and fighting for the goal. I think the heart of the matter is love. And in community there is love.

I think many of us have forgotten who we are and what this life is all about. We are warriors for His Kingdom. We're alive because of God and for God. We're called to love and to worship. We're to fight the good fight. We're to stand strong and live by faith. We live in an age of battle, a supernatural war more fierce than any earthly war. And we're on the winning team. We're backed by God, the God, the King of kings, Lord of lords. He is mighty and powerful and will not stand for evil. He is for us and no one can stand against us. No one. He is awesome. And we are His. We are children of God!

So there you have it. In case you forgot, that's who you are (if you've been saved). You're pretty amazing. We need to remember who we are as Christians. We need to remember that we are saved by the blood of Christ! We need to remember that we're a part of a huge family of others saved by the blood. We need to remember to stick together, to fight together, to lift each other up, to persistently pray for each other. We need to get back to basics, to live by Christ's example of love and by his first disciple's examples. Please love! I can't even begin to express the importance of love, you guys. You have to love. Without love we are nothing. Without love we fail. And there's no room for failure.

Something God has really made real to me recently is the fact of life's brevity. Life is short! Too short to waste on meaninglessness. It's here today and gone tomorrow. And you don't know when tomorrow will come. So I've resolved to set aside worry each day. I've resolved to commit and recommit my life into God's hands as often as I need to so that I don't become distracted with the trifles in this life. Compared to eternity, this life's trouble are nothing. Nothing. So I want to love. I want to love God and live for Him. I want to love people and live a life of servanthood.

All the time I'm seeing how incredibly amazing God is. All the time I'm seeing how important it is that I live this life passionately for the purpose of showing Christ to people. All the time I'm seeing how absolutely vital love is in this life. All the time I'm seeing that joy is not found in a life lived for oneself but in a life lived for God and others.

I guess the main thing I'm saying here is that we really need to find a way to grasp the reality of God and our identities in God. We really need to stand together as one instead of wandering off on our own like so many of us do. We really need to love relentlessly as God does us. We really need to stop worrying about this life and start setting our sights on things above. Here today and gone tomorrow. Let's not waste time.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ,

set your hearts on things above, where Christ is,

seated at the right hand of God.

--Colossians 3:1

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

--Matthew 6:33-34

Then Jesus said to his disciples,

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves

and take up their cross and follow me.

For whoever wants to save their life will lose it,

but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

--Matthew 16:24-25

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them,

“no one who has left home or wife or brothers or

sisters or parents or children for the sake of

the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age,

and in the age to come eternal life.”

--Luke 18:29-30

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Forever Loyal

2010-12-16T11:51:00.000-06:00

While we were in Isla Mujeres, Mexico less than a month ago we met a frustrated couple from the U.S. who had left their country and sailed away to try to start a new life elsewhere. Listening to the husband talk about his frustration with the U.S. I found myself agreeing with much of what he was saying but also very defensive. He had basically given up his loyalty to the U.S. and become an ex patriot. This irritated me. He isn't the first ex patriot I've met. Nor will he be the last, I'm sure. The cruising world is full of people from the U.S. who have completely given up their loyalty to it. This upsets me.
At first, I didn't know why I was so defensive. I mean, he had perfect reason to be frustrated. Aren't we all? Yes, America isn't what she used to be. She's fallen a great deal and the economy leaves much to be desired these days. What would be wrong with disowning it as my country, giving up my loyalty to it, and putting it down in conversation if that's what I really wanted to do? Of course, I didn't and don't but what if I did? Would there really be anything wrong with it? Then I thought about the many generations who have fought and died for our nation's freedom. I thought about the men, women, and children who braved the Atlantic for months in dirty, crowded ships, not knowing what the land they were headed for even looked like and risking death for freedom. I thought about our founding fathers who risked execution for treason as they put pen to paper and signed their names below the Declaration of Independence before the war had even been won. And I thought about my own friends, people I love very much, who serve this nation—servicemen and women who have signed years of their lives away for the sake of serving their country. I thought about one friend in particular and the night he told me about his best friend's death in Iraq.

That's when I realized why it would be wrong to turn my back on my country and why the words I was hearing from this ex patriot made me so angry. And upon realizing this, I became even angrier. To turn my back on my country would be like spitting on the graves of the many men and women who have given and are still giving their lives for my freedom in America. That's why it's wrong. All I can ask is how dare anyone put down the United States? How dare they when so many have died for it's sake? How dare they turn their backs when so many do not have the privilege to live in such a great nation?

It's been so long since I've heard someone just say how thankful they are to live in such a great country as the U.S. So I'll say it. Recently, the thought occurred to me that I easily could have been born some place entirely different. I could have been born in Cuba or China where my freedom would be limited and practically nonexistent. I could have been born into an indigenous tribe in some place no one even knows about. What if I had been born in a place where I'd never be able to hear the Word of God? How different life could have been. But no, I wasn't born in any of those places. I was born in the United States of America where I have enjoyed my freedom to learn as much as I want, to work where I want, and to worship the Lord. I am a free American.

It's true that America has fallen. But she is still the greatest nation on earth and there is hope for her revival. But even if she never recovers, even if she becomes the weakest nation in the world, I will remain loyal to my country and to the men and women who brave the battlefields and serve in other ways so that our freedom remains.

This blog is for all of them. It's a small tribute but it's from the heart. Merry Christmas! Because of you and the Lord who has blessed us with this freedom, Americans can celebrate this wonderful holiday without worry of being arrested or worse. Thank you.

Love,
Sarah with an “h”

P.S. Don't worry. Panama is pretty free, too. And Christmas is a rather big deal around here. ;) Although, being here in Central America has been a huge reminder of how good I have it in the States. It's really made me think about how much we take for granted our beautiful nation and the people who fight for her.

You Light Up the Sky

2010-11-08T14:58:00.001-06:00

Hey, guys! Just a quick post for anyone feeling down today. And for anyone with amazing musical taste. :)

You can check The Afters out here if you like this song. They're an amazing band. One of my favorite songs of theirs is MySpace Girl. It's so funny and so cute. :)

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Life Is Short

2010-11-01T23:22:00.000-05:00

Life is short. When you're little, a year seems like ten years but as the years go by and age creeps up on us, those years fly by like nothing. They turn like a page in a book and disappear like vapor. So why do so many of us act like we'll go on living forever?

For most of my life, I've "known" that I would go to college. The importance of college was stressed to me when I was younger so I just always had it in my mind that I couldn't succeed or be respected in today's society unless I went to college. Not just that, but as I got older I began thinking that I had to be in college before a certain age. If I wasn't I would be looked down on. In fact, last year I broke down in tears a few times from the stress of knowing I was 2 years behind and had to graduate before I was 20. I couldn't bear the thought of being a 20 year-old high-school graduate. I did not want to be 21 before I started college.

Well, I got over that. But I was still set on going to college at the earliest opportunity. I graduated high-school shortly after my 20th birthday on January 5th of this year and decided to look at colleges to apply for and possibly sign up for classes at the local community college for the coming fall (now). I knew I wanted to get basics out of the way. I figured by the time I finished basics I would have a better idea of the career path I wanted to take.

A few weeks ago, I was cleaning a house that I clean regularly as a means of making money when I had this epiphany. I suppose that's what you could call it. The epiphany was this: Life is short--too short to spend so much of it worrying about my education. I realized in that moment just how little motivation and desire I had to go to college. I used to be excited about the thought of setting out on a new adventure, an adventure into the college life. But now? I honestly don't care. I don't need to experience the college life. I want to experience LIFE. I'm not saying I'm totally throwing caution to the wind and giving up on any future education whatsoever. I figure I'll probably look into the online college thing sometime. But now? Right now, I just flat out don't care. I don't feel like being stressed about assignments and papers and such. I'm not trying to insult college students with this post. I'm just saying that I truly and honestly don't feel that God wants me in college right now. It's a good thing, too, because I'm leaving the country. Well, of course I am. God is sending me down there. That's what it feels like anyway. There are some broken hearts in need of Christ's love down there. I know it.

This post has been a long time coming. I just didn't know it until a couple days ago when I had a conversation with my mom about my new perspective on life. We talked about all the kids fresh out of high-school and straight into college who haven't a clue as to what they want to do with their lives. I wish more kids would take breaks. I wish more parents allowed their kids to take breaks. They'd save themselves a lot of frustration and a lot of money for that matter.

Life is short. All I want to do is follow Christ. As long as I'm following Him, life will fall into place. I'm following Him and He's not taking me to college. Not right now. Instead, He's taking me to Panama. After that, who knows? I know I really want to take a road trip across the country and possibly into Canada. I want to see what ministries I can get myself mixed in with, what people I can meet and inspire, and what people can inspire me. I just want to live and love tirelessly for my God.

Money's never been something I was very interested in. I know I need it but spending it makes me sad and making it tempts me to spend it--which as stated, makes me sad. So if I'm not meant to have much money, I'm okay with that. My new perspective on life is accompanied by an "I don't care what the world says" attitude. I don't care. I told my mom that if the Lord wants me to be a "crazy" Christian who stands on street corners shouting the Good News, then so be it. I feel like pride is slowly leaving me. I pray that it continues to do this and that it doesn't come back when I'm challenged to be prideless. Life is short. It's too short to worry about what the world thinks of us.

So all I want to do is follow Christ. I want to live my life filled with the joy of the Lord. I want people to call me crazy. So go ahead. Call me crazy.

Life is short. And while it isn't always fun, it sure is beautiful.

The verse at the end is the first one I thought of while writing this. I love how is talks about this race we're running as Christians. That's often how I see this life. Sometimes, I just want to run, run hard to accomplish all God's called me to accomplish so that when I reach the finish line I can tell Him, "I did it!"

Love,

Sarah with an "h"

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

Another Chapter and Another Battle

2010-10-28T00:57:00.001-05:00

I'm so tired. I don't even know why I'm blogging right now. There's no explanation for it except that my fingers have a mind of their own. I wonder what they'll type tonight...

I'm listening to Switchfoot right now. It's their "Hello Hurricane" album. Switchfoot always makes me feel really nostalgic and sentimental at the same time. I also find myself having really deep thoughts. At least I think they're deep.

Lately, I've been in a strange place. It's strange because it's not bad but it's not really good either. Then again, maybe it is bad. I haven't been able to close my door for the past few weeks because our a/c is out and we've been using a window unit in the main cabin. As a result, I haven't really had any "alone time" with God. As a result of that I feel like my efforts to draw closer to Him and to put my focus more on Him have been put on hold. And that irritates me in a way I simply cannot describe. I mean, for crying out loud, why does the stupid a/c have to be broken?! But I know I could probably find a quiet place to be with God if I really tried. So I think that tomorrow, that may have to be a goal for me.

Another reason I say this place I'm in is strange is that I feel like I'm being attacked a lot. I haven't told anyone this because I just really haven't cared to talk about it but since I seem to have no control over my blogging habits tonight I guess I'm blogging about it. On Sunday, I was assualted by anxiety and had no real idea of the reason. I've dealt with anxiety for a few years now but it's gotten a lot better recently. And even when it was bad, I could usually see the reason for it. Social situations were usually the cause. But on Sunday I felt anxious and couldn't explain why. The only thing I could attribute it to was something that had never made me feel that way before. My complexion has been pretty terrible lately. On Sunday, I was feeling especially low about it. But that usually doesn't cause any anxiety for me. It just really aggravates me. It sounds silly. But it's given me some trial over the years. Still, not enough to make me feel as anxious as I was feeling on Sunday. So I don't know. But I was pretty sure I wouldn't be contributing much to the discussion at Bible Study that evening. I was in a bad mood and unexplained anxiety was taking over.

It was really bizarre, but God is so good, you guys. On Sunday night I was the complete opposite of what I expected to be. Two of my friends commented on how not shy I was that night and a new guy to the group flat out told me I wasn't that shy. Well, he told me that the next evening after an afternoon with me and Cody and an evening of me post-milkshake (as in after I'd had a sugary milkshake) but still. haha I can honestly say that it wasn't me on Sunday night but rather Christ in me. I'm working to make Galatians 2:20 my life motto and to live by it. I think I'm making some progress.

But that's not the only form of attack the enemy's been using. Sometimes, I get into a state of mind where I just hate where I am. So I remember this verse: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (Philippians 4:4) And I fight discontentedness.

And then there are the days I find myself pining for the days when Jesse was still living in Corpus. Things were so care-free then and they were some of the happiest days of my life. Sometimes, I miss them so much I feel like I have to literally slap myself out of the funk I've put myself in. And I have to remind myself of that verse in Isaiah, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

I really don't know why I'm finding myself in these states of mind. The lacking contentedness is not so crazy because I've struggled with that off and on for most of my life. But I'm really not the type of person to dwell in the past. I've always said that to dwell in the past is pointless. I've always been one to look forward. Not that I'm not. And it isn't like I'm always feeling this way. But every once in a while it sneaks up on me with no warning and no explanation for its appearance.

So why these strange attacks? Well, for the past 5 years I've struggled with spiritual warfare. For a couple years it was massive anxiety attacks due to social situations and my fear of them. It's been a long, hard battle but I'm overcoming that fear. Then it was temptation to be with guys I shouldn't be with and the feeling of absolute despair and heartache when I tried to resist and failed. It was the lies that I should go against what the Bible said. It was the pressure to do what I knew was wrong--what my flesh wanted to do. Now? Well, I'm on a new path so I guess I'm also fighting a new battle. It's the same in some ways. In others, it's very different. But regardless, God is with me as He always has been. And I'm not going down. Period. I've already made up my mind to give up fear, to rejoice always, and to look forward to the future. I've already decided to trust God. So that's all there is to it.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. --Philippians 4:6-7

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Trampling the Fear

2010-10-20T22:26:00.000-05:00

I really have no idea what I'm going to write about tonight. But the craziness of these past few weeks have caused me to put off a couple posts for this blog, and now that I've forgotten what I wanted to write about, I'm writing. I've been posting on Restless Romantic some because it just doesn't require as much thought to type up a post about garage sale finds or a cake I baked than it does to type up a post on my recent state of faith. But tonight, I'm doing just that.

I guess I'll start by saying that God has been revealing a lot to me recently. He's showing me that He has some plans for me that will require me to step way outside my comfort zone and that fear will be a huge hindrance if I don't do something about it.  He hit me in the gut with this a few weeks ago when I went with a group of people (a church) to give bags of necessities to homeless people. The people I was with seemed totally cool about talking to people they had just met and asking them if they needed prayer. It was an awesome thing to witness, my friend praying for a guy who seemed truly thankful to have someone pray for him.  And of course, they were stoked to have bags full of "goodies."

I gave a bag to a girl probably in her mid-twenties.  She was standing sort of at a distance from our group acting like she wanted to approach us but was too afraid. So I swallowed the lump in my throat and approached her. "Would you like a bag?" I ask and smiled. "Sure," she said, returning the smile. And then I heard a whisper from within. "Ask her if she needs prayer."  But I didn't. Praying out loud has always been a hard thing for me. I hate that it is and that night made me hate it even more.  Ever since then I've wanted more than ever to be able to pray out loud, to be able to push aside the thought that people are listening, and to just talk to God.

I was happy that I had gone with the group of people to reach out to the homeless. It's something I'd wanted to do for a long time. And it's something I plan to do lots more of. But I was disappointed in myself for failing to complete the mission God had given me that night.  I'm disappointed in myself for all the incomplete missions, all the people I've failed to tell about Jesus, all the homeless people I've passed by without even a look.

Shortly after that experience God placed on my heart an intense desire to be free from fear. For a week, I talked to God about it practically non-stop. And then I decided that the next time I went to Bible Study I would contribute to the discussion. I had never really contributed because of the fear that always paralizes me when I'm the center of attention in a group of people. But I told God that if He wold give me the strength I would speak. However, I told God that the praying out loud would probably have to come later.

The following Sunday night, I missed Bible Study because of a tropical storm that flooded the Coastal Bend. But the Sunday Night after that I went. It was a small group that night so I feel like God sort of went easy on me. Still, when I first went to speak I felt that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and that hissing whisper, "Don't speak. You'll stammer. You'll stutter." In spite of this I spoke. I contributed quite a bit that night. And the more I did the easier it became.

And then it came time for prayer requests. I gave mine and the rest gave theirs. One suggested that we all pray for each other that night--out loud. Part of me wanted to protest. But another part of me knew it was time I trample that fear. So I prayed out loud. It was short and sweet--and it was spoken amongst others. I never expected to be able to do that.  But I did.

Since then we've had larger groups and my contributions have been smaller. But I still contribute in any way I can muster up the courage to. I have yet to do any more praying out loud at Bible Study but I'm practically forced to every time my friend, Cody goes surfing with me. We usually eat afterwards and I'm always the one to say the blessing these days. Thanks, Cody. You're mean. But you're still cool. :P

I'm so thankful for this work God is doing in me. I don't ever want Him to stop molding me. And I'm so excited to see what He has in store. My family and I are setting sail for Panama in about a week. We'll be down there for about 5 months, and I'm so excited to get involved with the church and any ministry willing to have me. Last time we were there, I was pretty much a bum.  This time, though, I'm taking hold of the dreams God's given me. More on that later. For now, though, I'm hitting the hay. Going to vote tomorrow morning! I'll leave you now with this flower. I like flowers. :)

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

P.S. I have so much more that God has placed on my heart to write about. I'm praying for the discipline to sit down and do it. And I'm praying that fear will not keep me from speaking the things God has placed on my heart to speak either. Writing is a beautiful thing but I believe the human voice can be an equally beautiful as well as powerful thing.

To Save a Life

2010-09-05T01:35:00.002-05:00

Alright, guys. Bear with me. It's another post on love. But this one's a little different. I just watched a movie. I'm sure many of you have heard of it. It's called "To Save a Life."

So I put this one in my Netflix queue a few months ago when it first came out on DVD but it didn't actually come up to be mailed until I guess a couple days ago. I got in the mail today and watched it tonight. I didn't expect to be convicted by this movie. I didn't know I was in need of conviction in the way that I received it tonight. Well, God knew I was, apparently because I'm convicted. And I'm compelled to write this post for you right now. Not tomorrow, not next week. Now.

This movie is about a guy named Jake. Jake's got it all--friends, popularity, a college scholarship, and a hot girlfriend. Life is good for Jake. Then one day, his old best friend, Roger, commits suicide, and his whole life is turned upside-down. Jake ditched Roger a few years prior for the popular crowd and now he feels guilty. He knows he could have saved Jake's life. How? With friendship. With kindness. With love.

It's really amazing to me that with all the people in this world, so many of us are completely self-focused. Knowing that there's a whole world of other human beings out there, how can we spend so much time thinking only of ourselves? It just makes no sense to me. And it really bothers me. It bothers me more knowing that I am guilty of that same self-focus. I mean, I can't write this with a clear conscience like I could if I was writing an essay on how horrible it is to commit murder or bank robbery. Of course, I wouldn't ever write an essay like that because everyone knows that murder and robbery are bad (Well, most do). Anyway! I'm getting off track. What I'm saying is that I'm not innocent on this one, folks. Let's face it. This looking at myself and my life and my troubles and my this and my that is something we are all guilty of.

Nearly every day, we encounter hurting people. Whether it be at work, at school, at the grocery store, or even on the internet (Facebook, MySpace, Blogger...etc.), we share a world with people who need love--people who need Jesus. So why aren't we giving it? What's stopping us from reaching out to them? Maybe some of us are proud. Maybe some of us are busy. But you know what I think the problem is? I think our problem is that we're apathetic and afraid. The fear leads to apathy and the apathy leads to a broken world. Why? Why are we afraid? I ask myself that all the time. It's like I'm fighting this battle within myself. I want to be bold and do the things that scare me but too often, I find myself retreating when retreating is the last thing I need to be doing. And who knows how many people could have been reached had I forgotten my fear and done what I knew God was telling me to do. All the faces I encountered on my way home from Alaska, all the people I walked past at in the mall last weekend, all the sad status updates on Facebook in recent months flood my mind as I write this. And you know what the awful thing is? I'm still scared. I'm still scared to speak. But you know what? That has to change. It has to. Love has to be spread and fear has got to go. Apathy must be crushed today.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know that you who are reading this understand what I'm talking about. Perhaps you're like me and want to reach the broken-hearted but are just still struggling to overcome the crippling fear that holds you back. Can we do that together? I think we can.

And maybe you're one of the broken hearts. Maybe you're one of the suffering I want to reach. If you are, please believe me when I say that God loves you more than you can ever know. You are worth it. God's got a plan for your life. Don't ever forget that.

Before I sign off I have something else I want to say. It's for the Christians. Christians, step it up! You know, I used to be one of the lonely losers no one talked to. Yeah, I was an outcast. (Still am. I'm just proud of it now, but that's another post.) This movie made me think about those days. There was a time in my life where I didn't have but maybe one real friend. I was shy, quiet, insecure, and I felt alone. One day, I decided to give Youth Group a go. The first Wednesday night (Group night) went as expected. I sat in my littler corner and didn't really talk to anyone. And no one (except for the youth leader) talked to me. But I wanted to try it again. The second Wednesday was pretty much the same thing. So was the third. Finally, after a couple months of this, I gave it up. A few months later, I tried another church. Again, I was faced with the evil reality of cliques. These kids would not reach out to me. Wednesday night after Wednesday night I came home crying because I felt like a failure. All I wanted was to have Christian friends, friends whom I could relate to. And I couldn't even get people to talk to me. I couldn't get up the courage to walk up to anyone and talk to them.

The Youth Group attempts went on off and on for probably about 2 years. Finally, I decided to give up on Youth Group and wait until I was old enough to go to a young adults group. Maybe adults would be more welcoming. In the mean time, Jesus became my best friend. I'll never forget that time in my life. I'll never forget the many nights I prayed the prayer for some friends who love Jesus. I don't look back on it in anger. I learned a lot. I grew a lot. I became stronger and closer to my Father. And a few years later, I'm 20 years-old, a young adult with Christian friends--finally. I can't thank Him enough.

But I can't help but think that if only someone had truly made an effort to be my friend, then maybe things would have been different for me. Perhaps I wouldn't have had to spend so many nights with tears streaming down my face. I'm not asking for sympathy or for anyone to tell me they're sorry. What happened happened for a reason and I wouldn't change anything. But it's not the same for everyone. And there are kids out there who need a friend. Kids that don't even have Jesus. Christians, they need you. They need you to love them and to tell them of the greatest love of all. Don't be afraid to step outside your clique and do it. In fact, just get rid of the clique thing all together. Let's be honest. Cliques are stupid. And they're annoying. What would Jesus do? Cliche, I know. But better cliche than clique-y.

Anyway, this is what's on my heart right now. I pray this fire doesn't diminish. I'm tired of being afraid. I know you are, too.

I better end it here. It's past 1:30am and my writing is feeling rather sloppy. Plus, I just went back and read it, and in some places, it looked like a drunk person typed it. hehe Goodnight!

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Just Give It Away...And Love!

2010-08-31T22:28:00.002-05:00

This past Friday my mom, 2 brothers, cousin, and I went to a Seventh Day Slumber concert. I didn't think I would be but I actually was the only one of my friends to go. It was kind of a last minute thing and I didn't really spread the word about it like I usually do when a Christian band comes to town. However, in spite of not having friends there (aside from the fam) it was a really good concert. They're a great band and I had no idea that Joseph Rojas (the lead singer) was from Victoria, Texas until that night when he shared his testimony. And what an amzing testimony it is. He ended up really deep into drugs when he was in his early 20s I think, and everyone saw him as a lost cause. Everyone, that is, but his mother who had given her life to Christ. One day, he overdosed in an effort to kill himself. But his mother found him and called 911. He didn't die but instead gave his life to Christ, too. And now look at him.

In the middle of the show Joseph talked about Compassion International, an organization all about feeding, clothing, educating, and just providing for children living in poverty-stricken countries. They find people to sponsor children so that they can have what they need. I had decided that I wanted to do this a few months ago at the last concert I went to but decided to do it later when I wasn't exhausted from standing and jumping around for hours at a concert. Well, I'm ashamed to say that I completely forgot about it. Until Friday night.

Joseph asked a question: If God provided the money would you sponsor a child? I raised my hand to answer 'yes.' He said, "Now, this is where hands start going down. I pray yours doesn't." He asked everyone who had raised their hand to accept one of the packets being handed out by Compassion and to pray for the child in the packet. There was no obligation to sponsor the child. He just asked that we pray for a child. When I saw the picture of the child on the packet I held in my hands I knew I wouldn't let her go. Her name was Chaltu Amdisa and she was from Ethiopia. And she needed my help. I looked at her birthday and saw that she would be 5 on Monday (Aug. 30th). She shared a birthday with my oldest brother, John who would be 18 on Monday. I knew this was the child God wanted me to sponsor. I prayed about it for the remainder of the concert while I tried to keep myself from crying. People think I don't cry that much but in all honesty there are certain things that make me cry rather easily.

Later was the altar call. It was really cool how Joseph gave his testimony and how he lead up to an altar call. It was a really long, drawn out thing. But it was powerful and God was definitely present. He had memorized several letters the band had received, letters from people suffering, reaching out for help. It was a reminder that people are hurting in this world, a reminder that as a Christian I'm called to share the love of Jesus with everyone. At the end he asked everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes while he asked some questions. He said that if anyone raised their hands to answer 'yes' to any of the questions he wouldn't point at them or call them out. He would just say, "God bless you" to acknowledge them.

The first question was something like, "If you have thought about suicide in the past week, please raise your hand." My heart sank when I heard him say, "God bless you. God bless you. And you, and you, and you, and you. God bless you."

And then he asked another question that went something like this. "If you had actually planned out how you were going to kill yourself before you came here tonight, please raise your hand." And then again he said, "God bless you. God bless you. God bless you." I don't even remember how many times he said it but it blew my mind.

The third question was this. "If you had already decided to end your life, you had made up your mind to commit suicide before coming here tonight, please raise your hand." "God bless you. God bless you."

I wanted to cry. Actually, I think I was crying. You hear it all the time. Everyone is fighting some sort of battle. Everyone is going through something. But it was like I was staring this fact right in the face. It never felt so true as it did on Friday night.

The last question was the ultimate question. It was the invitation to come to the altar, kneel before Christ, and give the burden, the hurt, the pain, everything, to give life and all that came with it to Him. Before Joseph invited people to the altar he asked for the people standing in front of it to clear away. He asked them to leave a lot of room because he felt that the space would be needed. He was right. Hurting people from all over the room poured into that space and kneeled. They gave their lives to God and accepted His gift of salvation. It was a beautiful picture. Complete and total surrender of a multitude of broken hearts.

It was a night to rejoice. I had been feeling rather numb the past week or so and that night really jolted me out of that sleep I seemed to have been in. And my heart now ached for the life of a soon-to-be 5-year old girl in Africa. My brothers agreed to help me sponsor her so I signed up right after the concert. Here she is. Isn't she beautiful? I'm so happy to be a part of he life. I pray she grows up to love the Lord and live for Him. I pray she knows how much He loves her.

If you're at all interested in sponsoring a child I encourage you to go for it. You can't go wrong doing something like this. God will provide for you if you trust Him.

Life is so dull and empty when we only think of ourselves. But how much brighter and inspiring it is when we give of ourselves to others! How much more exciting and fulfulling it is when we give it away completely and trust God with everything! What do we have to lose? This life is only temporary. The next is forever. It isn't about how much we have in this life but how much we give. We gain so much more when we give.

And remember that people are hurting. Why waste time being angry and hateful toward one another? Wouldn't so much more come of love? Love, love, love! Can I possibly blog about love too many times?

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

YouTube Bible Study

2010-08-16T02:56:00.001-05:00

I love Bethany's videos. They're such an encouragement. And this message is exactly what I've been thinking a lot about lately. I love how God speaks to us in so many different ways--even YouTube!

Head Over Heels For The Lord

2010-08-12T01:49:00.000-05:00

So these past couple of days have been a bit of a roller coaster for me. One minute, I'm fine and the next, I'm right back where I started--blue as blue can be. Thankfully, though, the tears aren't coming like they were before. And tonight, I feel a nudging in my heart to write an entry for you guys.

Yesterday evening, I found myself in a pit again. I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. But I didn't. Instead, I remained in my chair at the computer and in a very odd position I buried my face in my knee that was propped up against the back of the chair. I sat like that for probably a good 20 minutes--praying. I sort of went into this trance. It was wonderful. For the first time in a long time I felt an honest connection with God. The outside world faded away, and it was just me and God.

Sitting there, I was overcome with a feeling of desperation, a longing to be closer to God, to fall completely in love with Him. Yesterday, a friend reminded me that God is all the Knight in shining armor I could ever want and more. And since that prayer last night, I've been meditating on that. Flowers, sunsets, beautiful pictures, lovely sounds, children's laughter... They're all gifts from God as He romances us and brings us close to Him. Our dreams, our passions, our talents, and even our personalities are windows through which He beckons us and asks for our love. Last night, the words, "You satisfy my every need. There is nothing you can't do. You will never fail me or disappoint me. You will always be there," escaped my lips in a whisper. I'm so used to stories of "God told me this" that I guess I didn't realize right away that that was God speaking to me with my own words. When I did realize it, I felt an immeasurable peace come over me. All I wanted to do was sit there and talk to God--forever. And that's when it happened. For the first time ever I was able to say in all honesty that my heart's desire was to love God more than I love anyone else, to love Him more than life itself. I can only call that a result of my brokenness. When the rug has been pulled out from beneath you and you're lying there on the cold floor you realize that everything in this life is temporary and joy is only pure and true when it comes from the source of pure and true joy.

I am broken, and I long from the innermost depths of my heart to fall in love with God. I pray that soon I will love Him more than I love my family, my friends, and my own life. I pray that by the time I am walking down the aisle my heart will belong first and foremost to my first Love. I pray that when I am faced with death I will smile with anxious anticipation for the new life I'll live with Him. I pray for a love so deep that nothing, not even my greatest present fears, can keep me from living whole-heartedly for God.

I feel as though I have re-dedicated my life to God. In just a simple prayer, I have come to mourn for a closeness with God. He is my everything, and I will praise Him. There is nothing He can't do. Everything pure that my heart desires is satisfied in Him. I want nothing when He is with me. He loves me more than anyone ever could. He will never leave me or forsake me. Never.

How much He loves us that He gave His Son for us and constantly blesses us--even as we constantly turn our backs on Him. What can I offer Him but my life and my love? So much as it is.

I'm still fighting. My mind tends to trail back to thoughts that lead to sadness without my even realizing it. But I'm learning to run to Jesus when that happens. I trust Him. I know this won't last long and that great things lie just beyond the horizon.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

--Psalm 103:1-5

P.S. The pictures are from the Shrine of St. Therese and the Arboretum in Juneau, AK. Both were places I felt so close to God. Surrounded by flowers and the beauty of Southeast Alaska, how could one not feel close to the Creator? I want to live in a place where flowers bloom 12 months a year, the sun shines day in and day out, and every night the sky is sprinkled with twinkling stars. Just call me a Restless Romantic.

Broken-Hearted and Learning to Trust

2010-08-09T22:51:00.001-05:00

I won't pretend. I won't lie to you and say that I'm fine. I'm not fine. Up until late morning today, I was absolutely miserable. And even now, I fight those feelings of regret and devastation. Jesse and I broke up last night. I guess I should say he broke up with me because I fought him on it for a while before I gave in. It's not that we don't love each other anymore. It's not that we don't still see each other as prospects for the future. It's that Jesse finally came to terms with the fact that this isn't God's timing. I guess in my heart I knew it wasn't God's will for us to be more than friends right now. But I'm stubborn as some of you may know. It's times like these when I curse my stubbornness.

This whole thing knocked the wind right out of me. I kept hoping that I would wake up and it would all just be a really bad dream. This morning, I woke up to realize that it really was true, that it was reality and I had to live with it. Thoughts and memories flooded my mind, and the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed. I begged God to comfort me, to make the thoughts go away. I felt like I was sinking in a quick sand of misery. Finally, I called my mom, and the tears that had stopped last night came again. And they kept coming. For most of the morning, I cried. I sat on my bed and stared out the window, trying to cry in silence. At one point I listened to Hillary read to the kids about Lazarus, the man Jesus raised from the dead. I don't know if it was Hillary's intention for me to hear it but I did and it really spoke to my heart. The lesson was on trusting God. We don't always understand what God is doing in our lives but we must always trust. He knows what He's doing. He has big plans for us even if we can't see it; even if we can't imagine ever being happy again.

Around 11am or so my dad called. "Bad day, huh?" "Yeah," I said through my tears. He asked if Jesse still wanted to be friends and keep in contact. I said he did and my dad's response was "Well, shoot. Do it!" My dad gave me the logical perspective--Jesse's perspective. I always thought I could empathize with people but my dad is the champion at it. He understands the stress Jesse is under, and I guess just hearing it from my dad helped. Jesse couldn't really put into words what he was thinking, and my dad sort of did it for him. My dad told me not to close the door but to leave it open. We never know what's down the road. That's not to say that yes, we're going to pick up where we left off later on for sure and for certain. But it is to say we shouldn't close the door and forget about the whole thing.

I'm very thankful Jesse still wants to be friends. I love him very much. Saying we're not in a "relationship" anymore doesn't change that. I want to enjoy his friendship, to encourage him, to support him, to pray for him, and to be there for him. He really is my best friend next to Jesus (and my mom). He was before we were anything more than friends--even though we hadn't known each other very long. I've never known anyone like him, and to lose him would be a blow worse than I could bare. I guess I shouldn't say that because through Christ, I can do all things (Phil. 4:13). But you get what I'm saying. I love him. I love his friendship. I don't want to lose it.

After I talked to my dad, I stopped crying, got dressed and played with the kids. It's amazing what the laugh of a 4 year-old will do for the broken heart. It's amazing what a dose of good sense and logic will do, too. I love my dad. He's the greatest.

I'm trying not to cry as I write this but I think it's more because I'm seeing how amazing God is again than anything else. I don't know what I would do without my Heavenly Father. I really do trust Him. I know He has a plan. What that plan is, I haven't the foggiest. But I am excited to see what He has in store.

I do want y'all to know, however, that this trust thing is not easy for me. Were it easy, I would have trusted God enough to just be friends with Jesse from the beginning. But I'm stubborn, impatient, and a brat. It took another lesson to get me to trust Him. I've pretty much been forced into trusting Him. That's how rotten I am. I want to encourage you to trust without having to suffer first. It's a whole lot easier. If you're like me, and you're going through a rough patch...well, trust. You can't do any better. I promise you.

Love and Blessings,
Sarah with an "h"

P.S. I wanted to give you a picture with this post. I chose the one at the beginning because flowers are the perfect reminder of His blessings and His promises. Every spring, without fail, the flowers bloom again. And for every trial and heartache there will also be joy and thanksgiving.

For his anger lasts only a moment,

but his favor lasts a lifetime;

weeping may remain for a night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning.

--Psalm 30:5

Though the mountains be shaken
       and the hills be removed,
       yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
       nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
       says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

--Isaiah 54:10

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those

who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

--Romans 8:28

P.P.S. I was seriously considering putting blogging on hold for a while. My plan was to wallow in self-pity. But my talk with my dad changed that. My outlook has changed. I have so many things to share with you all and so many things I know God wants me to share. So share, I will!

How Great Is Our God

2010-07-27T02:08:00.002-05:00

So tonight, I was totally going to blog about bears. But God put something different on my heart. The song, How Great Is Our God is one of my favorites. It often pops into my head and finds its way past my lips without my even realizing it. It's one that's close to my heart.

I debated a long time about going to church camp one summer. I hadn't been to summer camp in years and I didn't have any close friends going. At that point in my life, I was really struggling with shyness and insecurity. I still struggle with it but over the past few years God has brought me out of my shell and given me a voice. He gives me strength with each passing year. That summer He did something amazing. I was scared to go and had even decided not to go. But after I made that decision I felt sick. I felt so bad about it that I became depressed. So I decided to go at the last minute.

I went hoping to make friends and to come out of my shell a little more. I didn't gain any new friends. What I did gain was a whole new outlook on my Christian walk. One night at evening services we sang that song. "How great is our God" rang throughout the room, and for the first time in my life I raised my hands in worship and cried tears of joy with a multitude of other hurting people. The wall came down and I gave myself to God in whole-hearted worship.

In 2005 I made a promise to myself and to God. Perhaps I've written about it before but I will again because I really feel like there are people who need to hear it. I promised that I would truly make an effort to overcome fear. And since that year I've come a long way. God has remained faithful through all the trials, tears, and heartache. How great is our God. He is so great.

Last Sunday my aunt, Hillary, and I went to listen to a woman speak about her time working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta, India. As I listened to her speak of Mother Teresa's love for God and for people and her joy that shone in the smile on her face I thought about God's constant tugging at my own heart. We're all called to love. We're all called to be joyful as we serve those around us. Christ died for me. God is constantly with me, loving me and helping me through the tough times. He has blessed me more than I could ever deserve. That song and that experience is permanently embedded in my heart. It's a reminder of God's grace and what He's done for me. Every time I hear it I have to fight back tears. Although, I don't always. But lately, even more than before, God seems to be speaking to me about love. And what is love without action?

I want to be as humble and as ready to serve with a smile as Mother Teresa was. She was a woman who loved with her whole being. Her love was a self-sacrificial love that motivated her to wear terrible shoes so that everyone else could have the good ones. As a result her feet were deformed. And she did this with joy! Her strength and her joy most certainly came from the Lord. She lived her faith in such a way that made people stand in awe. Much of the world didn't realize that what made them stand in awe was Christ. Christ could be seen in this woman. But don't we see that Christ should be seen in all of us that way? We should all shine the way Mother Teresa did. Mother Teresa was not perfect. She was a sinner like the rest of us. But she was so close to God that her life reflected Him.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

--Galatians 2:20

I am so restless. I want to go out and serve. I want to love. It's not enough to sit in comfort and say I love everyone. Words are empty without actions to prove them. Besides, to say "I love everyone" would be a lie. For me anyway.

Our God is so great that He loves every one of us. The least we can do is love each other.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

--John 15:12

I know I sound like a broken record here, guys, but this is what God has given me to write about. I'll write about love until He gives me something new. But isn't love an amazing thing? I think it's something worthy of many more entries. But it's just whatever God lays on my heart. Hope my ramblings spoke to you in some way. Sometimes I think God gives me more feeling than words to describe them.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Restless Romantic

2010-07-19T12:21:00.005-05:00

Hey, guys! Just wanted to direct y'all to my new blog, Restless Romantic, for all future Alaska updates. I'll continue to post on this one; they just won't be that sort of update. I feel like this blog needs to stay what I intended it for which is a record of thoughts on lessons learned. I want to continue sharing with you what God is teaching me so that's what I will do with Thoughts From a Journey. Everything else will be blogged about on Restless Romantic. :) So have a cup of yummy hot Panda Berry Tea and follow me!

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Photo Shoots, Strange Old Men, Chocolate Fudge, and Madame Blueberry

2010-07-11T17:10:00.011-05:00

This one may be a tad bit boring but I have pictures to make up for it. I know. What an awful opening sentence. But maybe reverse psychology is the way to go when trying to get people to read your stuff. Hmm... Well, if that's the case then I'm on the right track. And don't read this. You will be bored out of your mind!

Yesterday, I woke up at 6:20am. Hillary decided the night before that she wanted to hit some garage sales and go downtown, and I wanted to go so I could get Jesse a birthday gift downtown and so I could look for a battery for my 35mm camera. I probably could have gotten up a little later but I couldn't remember what time Hillary said she wanted to leave so I just got up really early as to avoid holding things up with my slowness. I take forever to get ready in the morning. Really, I take forever to do anything.

Anyway, it worked out, though because I was able to get a hold of Jesse right after I woke up. The night before, we spent half an hour talking about state traffic laws throughout the country (Aren't we romantic?)until his phone rudely interrupted by dying. And he had lost his charger--again. He found it yesterday morning, though. Obviously.

We went to a few garage sales then to one big garage sale type thing they were having at Centennial Hall (I think that's where we were. See how well I pay attention?). I didn't buy anything but I had an interesting encounter. I found a table with some books on it, and tables with books on it are always magnets for me. Most of them were sailing/sea going tales and old Alaskan frontier stories. I looked through them for a few minutes but soon decided I wouldn't be buying any of them because they weren't marked at garage sale prices. The man selling them was a scruffy, old, gray-bearded man with a bit of a fowl mouth. He handed me a little paperback and said, "Here. There's a cheap one for you. You'll actually like that one. It's about prostitutes in the Yukon."
Totally taken off-guard, I gave him this weird look (I'm assuming it was weird. Most of my facially expressions are weird.), laughed nervously, and said, "Oh! Okay..." He sort of chuckled and said, "Well, they had to make a living somehow."
Oh, man. It's people like that who make this world an entertaining place to live in.

The camera shop downtown was closed but it opens again tomorrow. I'll either call or just go down there this week to see if it carries the type of battery I need. I'm anxious to start playing with my camera! I think it's pictures will add a little more vintage charm to my blog. That is if I can figure the thing out.

Oh, but I did buy something downtown. Actually, I bought 2 things but I can only tell you about one for now. Actually, instead of telling you, I'll just show you.

It's chocolate/pecan fudge, and it's delicious. As you can see, I've already eaten a big chunk of it (a little at a time, of course). It was almost 10 bucks, though so if y'all want any you'll have to wire me some money for it. Hehe

Yesterday, after Hillary and I had gotten back from shopping, Lilli decided she wanted to give Brenna a photo shoot. Listening to and watching her order Brenna around, telling her how to sit was quite amusing. I wanted to capture the event so I took some pictures of Lilli taking pictures...and of Brenna's lovely poses. :P

Nathan jumped in front of the camera with this big smile. :)

Last night, I spent probably near or (more than) 2 hours working on Madame Blueberry's family portrait. This morning was the revealing of the new stop in Veggie Land for Children's Church. Hillary is in charge of all of that so I offered to help her. Last week we worked on getting the room to look like a treehouse, and after 3 hours of drawing wood planks on packaging paper we taped to the walls, I think we got the effect. Hillary gave most of the artwork tasks to me since I sort of like doing that kind of stuff... Okay, so I really got into it. And I'm really proud of my painting! Hillary did the garland hanging from the ceiling, and she and Brent did the floor. Both Hillary and I taped paper to the wall, and I drew the wood planks. We both painted a portrait. She painted a portrait of Monsieur Pierre Blueberry and I, like I said, painted the family portrait. Pierre's a nudist but the kids don't know this. hee hee I think the treehouse theme was definitely a hit with the kids this morning. I didn't get pictures of them, though. Not sure if their parents would want their children on a stranger's blog. But oh, well. Here are the pictures of our hard work.

Oh, and Hillary did the kitchen counter where Bob and Larry are at the beginning of every Veggie Tales show.

Before I came up here I asked God to give me some way to serve Him with my time in Juneau. Painting a portrait for a family of cartoon blueberries isn't exactly hanging out with Shane Claiborne and the homeless in Philadelphia but if it means leading kids down the right path then I'm happy to do it. And like I said, I'm rather proud of that portrait.

Inspiration

2010-07-09T01:16:00.006-05:00

Yesterday was such a pretty day that I decided to go play outside with the kids and take some pictures. Watching Brenna run around in her little princess dress gave me some inspiration for some vintage-y looking photographs. Of course, she was unaware of this little photo shoot for most of the time. Candid shots are the best in my opinion. :)

And of course, I found some other things to test my different color settings on.

You may have noticed that I'm a little bit blog happy these days. I think that can be attributed to both my new blog page (I'm so happy with it!) and my snap happiness. I tend to get snap happy fairly often but being here in Alaska seems to have opened new windows of opportunity in photography land. Traveling does that, I think. New place equals new things to photograph. Sure, I was here last summer but that was a whole year ago! Oh, and just wait 'til I get a battery for my 35mm. I can't wait to play with it! hee hee :P

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Alaska 2010: Update

2010-07-07T23:45:00.012-05:00

For those of you that are interested here is a bit more detailed update on my time here in Juneau.

This past Saturday was my cousin, Brenna's 4th birthday. We basically just had a 3-day-long birthday celebration for her since she didn't have an actual party. On Thursday, we say Toy Story 3. I loved it. The kids all thought it was sad, and so did my aunt. And it was sad but I stilled like it. It was cute. On Friday, we went camping. And on Saturday, Brenna opened presents, we went to McDonald's, and we ate cake. I think Brenna had a pretty nice birthday.

The past couple of weeks have been pretty laid back for the most part. We did camping last weekend and the weekend before. The picture above is from the camping trip we did the weekend before last. It's a flatbread pizza made over our campfire. Mmmm... Both trips were fun but they were also cold. I told Jesse I would like to go camping in Texas so I can see what it's like to go camping where it's warm. Of course, I'll probably decide I prefer the cold to the warm because, like Jesse says, it's easier to get warm than it is to get cool. But I really enjoy being outdoors. I want to do some hiking pretty soon.

A couple nights ago Hillary and I made gazpacho with grilled chicken. I actually did most of it because Hillary made me. Haha! I usually just let her do most of it but I enjoyed making something myself. I had never had gazpacho before so it was interesting to get to try it. It's basically a cold soup. Very different.

Other than camping, cooking, and eating cake, I've been playing with my cousins a lot. Every day is something new. Lilli and Nathan (7) love to finagle me into tickle fights. Brenna (4) likes to come in my room, jump on my bed, and put my Crocs on her feet. One day, Lilli and Brenna found my sunglasses...

Today was a beautiful sunshine-y day, so I went with Brenna and Lilli into the woods behind the house to take pictures while Lilli picked berries for her famous "berry salad." Yummy... I lucked out today, though, because she didn't pick enough for a whole salad.

Well, that's all I got for now. I'll keep y'all updated, though. I'm trying to be better about it this year than I was last year.

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

P.S. How could I have forgotten about the bears?? We saw some when we went out the road one night but the pictures from that night aren't that great so here are some I took of one we saw wandering around the neighbor's backyard.

He was looking right at me!

Welcome!

2010-07-06T22:08:00.011-05:00

So here is my new and improved blog site. It just occurred to me a couple days ago that I had a camera and was perfectly capable of creating my own header. So I did. Here are some of the pictures I took while I was trying to figure out what I wanted my header to look like. I took lots but here are just a few. I found it a good opportunity to play with the manual setting on my camera and also to get some pictures of my new Pentax 35mm SLR camera so y'all could see it. Still looking for a battery for it but when I finally find one I'll be sure and post the pictures I take with it. Unless they look awful. hehe

As you can see I love the look of old. I really wanted to do something that would capture what my blog is all about--my journey. I really wanted it to say something about who I am. Being an amateur writer, photographer, and traveler I wanted to incorporate something that would show that. (If you're wondering where the travel theme is, one of my journals has an old map cover. It's subtle but it's there.)

I absolutely love the Scripture verse in one of the smaller pictures. I find myself whispering that one and saying it in my head a lot. It's Galations 2:20:

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

And I couldn't help throwing in my little sailboat because I am, and always will be, a sailor. :)

So that's it. There's a little intro to my new blog. Hope you enjoy visiting it and enjoy reading my posts. I always enjoy creating them. And I try to make them as non-boring as I can. :P

Have a wonderful week!

Love,
Sarah with an "h"

Love One Another

2010-07-03T17:26:00.012-05:00

Hello, all! So it's my 3rd week here in Juneau, Alaska. I'm not sure why but my time here seems to be flying by. Wednesday will mark 3 weeks, and 3 weeks is how long I planned on staying last year. I did end up extending my ticket for an extra week but even so, 4 weeks isn't that far away either! I can't believe I was so timid about staying a month last summer when here I am, staying for 2 months this summer. And suddenly, 2 months seems quite short. Although, I will be happy to go home come August, I'm sure. There are a few people I'm anxious to see again. :)

The last couple of weeks have consisted of more tickle fights and piggy back rides, a bit of camping, a bit of cooking, and lots of learning. And when I say learning, I'm not just referring to good housekeeping or how to make it in the Last Frontier.

I've been reading Shane Claiborne's The Irresistible Revolution as I'm sure I've mentioned before. Shane both irritates me and convicts me. I don't agree with him on everything but I do agree with him on a lot of things.

One phrase stuck out at me in Chapter 9: Jesus Is For Losers. On page 266, Shane states, "When we have new eyes, we can look into the eyes of those we don't even like and see the One we love." "Oh man," I thought. "I hadn't even thought of that."

It seems as Christians, we've lost sight of true Christianity. We've forgotten (or maybe we've never learned) what it means to love. Shane's right, you know. Jesus is for losers. In other words, He didn't just come to save the "moral" people. He came to save all who would accept salvation. We are all losers in need of salvation. There is not one person on this earth who has done enough to earn his way to heaven. Not one. No matter how much you pray, how often you attend church, or how much you give to the poor, you can't get to heaven without accepting Christ. It's the same for everyone. Jesus is for everyone of us losers. And no one deserves him. Yet, we often act as though we do, sticking our noses up at those we dislike, avoiding eye contact with the homeless guy on the sidewalk, and moaning and groaning about how long church service was. I'm not pointing the finger here, guys. I'm guilty of all those things and more.

Shane places great emphasis on the importance of seeing Christ in those around us.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" --Matthew 25:40

That doesn't just apply when you give food to the hungry. It also applies when you shoot someone an ugly look. Christ died for that someone just as well as He did for you. Yeah, you just shot an ugly look at Jesus. Scary, isn't it? I'm cringing as I recall all the times I've messed up.

Now, no one is perfect, but many of us have gotten so far from what we are called to be. Lovers. Lovers of God, lovers of people. Another phrase in The Irresistible Revolution that hit me like a punch in the gut is this:

We live in an age in which people, when they hear the word Christian, are much more likely to think of people who hate gays than people who love outcasts, and that is a dangerous thing.

Unfortunately, it's true. I'm not saying that Christians hate gay people. But it sure looks that way from the outsider's point of view. And are we loving outcasts? Are we reaching out to the prostitute and the beggar?

All our lives we are taught how to think. We are taught what is right and what is wrong. We are taught to stay away from certain types of people and to refrain from certain ways of living. But reaching out to the broken is not something that seems to be taught very often. You never hear about people like Shane who go and "hang out" with the homeless or who sit and cry with the broken-hearted prostitute on the street. I want to know when we became so moral and yet, so empty.

"We can be moral but not alive," Shane simply states on page 252. Without love, morality is just self-righteousness. Lives are not changed by self-righteousness. All self-righteousness seems to do is distort our view of humanity and confuse us, making us forget what Jesus called us to do. As a result, we do not love; we hate. We do no forgive; we hold grudges. We do not humble ourselves; we pride ourselves on how wonderful we think we are. And we forget that we are no different from the rest of the sinners in this world.

Reading this chapter, I came to the realization that I was pretty messed up in my way of thinking. One part of this chapter that really made me think was the part where Shane mentions that part in the Bible where a group of people want to stone an adulteress to death because the punishment for adultery in those days was stoning--the death penalty. Jesus simply and calmly says, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." I had never thought of it before but Jesus, in that simple sentence, is speaking against the death penalty.

The punishment for murder is often death but the fact is we are all guilty of murder.

"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell."
--Matthew 5:21-22

I could go on and on about this until my fingers cramp up but I'll spare you and tie it up here. I've just been feeling very unsettled about the Church lately--about Christians. Everywhere I go there are "Christians." But I have met so very few followers of Christ. I want to go back to the beginning, when Jesus died and rose from the dead, and all his followers rose with him, passionate with love for him and for the people around them. They loved with their whole beings. Even as they faced death they still loved. They loved their killers as well as their brothers and sisters. How? They were full of Jesus--on fire for him and his Message.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
--John 13:34-35

Alaska 2010: Trip to Juneau and first few days here

2010-06-18T14:11:00.007-05:00

I arrived in Juneau last Wednesday. I'm so excited to be here, and I'm looking forward to the next couple of months. I'm already having so much fun with my family here and getting my 3 cousins (ages 3, 7, and 7) extremely riled up. hehe A couple evenings ago, I had all 3 of them tickling me and chasing me around the living room. Laughing and screaming sounded throughout the house. My aunt called it pay back for all the tickling, chasing, and climbing on top of I did to them when I was little.

So my trip up here was quite long and not quite as uneventful as I would have liked. I mean I'm all for excitement but when I'm on a mission, I'm not much for interruptions. But that's just life, isn't it?

My flight out of Corpus Christi, Texas was departing at 5:45am. Early, I know. I woke up at 2:30am and we left at 3:50am to head to the airport. Everything went smoothly since the Corpus airport is a pretty quiet little airport, and my flight left on time. My only concern was that I had a tight connection in Houston, my first stop. I had a 45 minute layover and I wasn't sure where my next gate was because it hadn't been assigned on my ticket, yet. However, the lady at the baggage check counter told me it would probably be out of Terminal A, so when my plane landed in Houston I decided to ask the person behind one of the desks at a nearby gate just to be sure. Well, no one was at their stations. Highly irritated, I made my way in the direction of Terminal A, hoping I would find someone I could show my ticket to because I still wasn't sure that Terminal A was where I was supposed to be going. I didn't find anyone.

Eventually, I found a train that had "Terminals A, B" above the doorway that led to the entrance. So I jumped on it and waited for it to take me to Terminal A. Strangely, it stopped at Terminal B first. As it approached its stop I saw a sign that explained how to get to Terminal A. However, I couldn't understand what it was saying. Then it finally registered in my brain that I was supposed to get off at Terminal B and from Terminal B I would find my way to Terminal A. The train wouldn't take me to Terminal A. But I didn't realize this until the train had stopped, people had gotten off, and the doors had closed again. So there I was, on a train taking me right back to where I started.

I did finally make it back to Terminal B, though, and followed the path that was supposed to take me to Terminal A. Then I hit a road block. The final stretch of distance between me and Terminal A had to be traveled on by bus. The bus, however, was not there yet. My plane was leaving at 7:20am and it was around 7:10am when I got to the bus stop. Anxiously, I waited. By the time, the bus finally arrived, it was past 7:20am. I rushed off the bus when it came to its stop, but when I finally made it to my gate, my plane had already left. Thankfully, though, a nice lady helped me get re-booked. My new flight would leave at 8:55am.

I finally made it out of Houston, and I was on my way to Seattle. Much to my dismay, I was seated next to a very friendly man in his 40s who loved to talk. Keep in mind, I had been up at 2:30am. I was tired. But I was nice. I tried to sleep when he stopped talking but I didn't succeed much there. He talked to me throughout the entire flight. I made the mistake of telling him about my sailing adventures and living on a boat. See, I never intend to tell people about that because I don't feel like people really care. But the conversation almost always ends up there somehow. And it turns out living on a boat is interesting to people. This guy just happened to be a wannabe sailor and had even thought about buying a sailboat to live on. Towards the end of the flight, he mentioned twice that it was too bad my layover wasn't longer or he would show me around Seattle. I smiled and said, "Yeah..." but was thinking that I'd have to be out of my mind to go off with some strange guy I just met. Am I just being paranoid or is that a little bit weird? He even gave me his card and told me to call him if I was ever stuck in Seattle. He seemed genuinely disappointed that my layover was only 2 hours. I don't know. Maybe I'm just too suspecting but I was uncomfortable.

My next flight was my final one. It took me to Juneau in about 2 1/2 hours and I was thankful to be sitting in between 2 guys who were not interested in talking to anyone. I wasn't excited about the middle seat but it wasn't bad. The flight wasn't that long so I didn't have to crawl over anyone to go to the bathroom.

I was so excited when my plane finally landed. My aunt and uncle had been keeping my identity a secret from their 3 kids so I was the mystery guest they were picking up from the airport. They seemed a bit confused when they first saw me but when they realized who I was they were excited, and they ran up and gave me a hug.

My luggage, it turned out, had arrived in Juneau before me on my original flight so I had to ask one of the airport people to get it for me. I was a tad bit worried when I didn't see it with all the other luggage. I like to hope I won't ever have to deal with lost luggage but with as much traveling as I want to do, something tells me I'll be dealing with it at some point.

I've been here for a few days now just hanging out with my aunt, uncle, and 3 cousins. I've been invited to/finagled into a few berry picnics by my 7 and 3 year old cousins, two of which I was unable to avoid. Berry picnics are all about berry salad, a mashed up mass of berries mixed in a dirty plastic container. Yummy...

I've learned a little bit about spark plugs and car maintenance from my uncle, and my aunt has been teaching me how to cook...again. She's taught me multiple times but I've been slacking in that department. hehe I'm also learning all about jelly making and canning. I plan on gaining as much knowledge as I can over the next couple of months to take back home with me. Although, until I have a full-size oven and stove (not just the the little, dinky one on our sailboat) I will be doing very little cooking. And as for making jelly, I'll have to wait until I find myself in another berry producing area.

Haven't seen any bears, yet. If you've read my Alaska blogs from last summer you know that I saw quite a few bears but failed to get any pictures. I'm hoping to get at least one this summer. I'll try to be better about blogging this summer as well. But that's all for now. To my family back in Texas, I miss y'all and while I'm having fun here, I still look forward to seeing everyone again in August. The same goes for my friends. And Jesse, I'm pretty sure you won't see this for a while but I miss you!

Bye for now! I shall post more as more happens.

:o)Sarah

P.S. There's a lovely screeching raven outside in the front yard. Just as a side note, Jesse and I both agree that ravens are more annoying than seagulls (or laughing gulls). That's for all you seagull haters out there. :P

Do Great Things

2010-06-13T01:30:00.002-05:00

So I've been put through the wringer a time or two. Haven't most? This year has been...weird. In a good way! It started off with tears, I'm not gonna lie. I've experienced some serious hard feelings and wanted to kick someone's butt--hard. Y'all think I'm sweet, but I'm not. I'm bad. I mean I seriously wanted to kick butt. I had been hurt worse than ever before and I wanted revenge. I hated that I had let it happen but I couldn't just blame myself. How dare this person put me through this? But God checked me on that one and opened my eyes to the root of my misery. He showed me my selfishness and woke me up.

Now, I'm blessed with some amazing people in my life. I can't thank God enough. I don't know why He's given me what I have now. I'm going to Alaska in a few days, and I don't know why God is allowing me to go. These days, I'm back to wanting to do great things—back to feeling desperate for some life-changing events and uncomfortable in my comfortable life. I'm reading a book called The Irrestible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. While Shane's a little liberal for me, he makes a great point. Christians have become way too comfortable with comfort. Those are my words but that's basically what he's saying in his book. Christians aren't what they used to be. The first disciples went out and helped people. They befriended the homeless, the prostitutes, and the thieves. They ministered to them with the love of Christ. They opened their homes to people in need of shelter and to their fellow Christ-followers in need of a place to stay as they passed through spreading the Good News. They truly followed in the footsteps of Jesus. They were passionate. But most so-called Christians nowadays are complacant. I don't want that to be me. I want more out of my Christian life.

So we're not all called to be missionaries, but we are all called to love. So are we? Are we using the gifts and resources God has blessed us with to help the people around us? I know that I, for one, could be doing a lot more.

We all want to do great things. But not everyone does or even tries. Not all great things have to do with feeding the poor or housing the homeless. Some are just personal feats. Those feats often make heroes and inspire. At the same time, though, they often stir up anger.

Abby Sunderland didn't make it around the world. Her boat was de-masted, and her parents were attacked by the media for allowing their 16-year old daughter to try and live her dream. They wouldn't have attacked them had she made it. Her older brother made it and he became a hero. It's only evidence that everyone wants to do something great. So few people ever reach for their dreams, and those who do receive glaring looks from the jealous eyes of those who don't have the guts to try and persecution when they fall.

Not everyone understands those who try so hard to do extraordinary things. But there's a lot to be learned from them. Whether it's feeding the poor or sailing around the world, we were created with adventurous spirits. God, Himself, is an adventurous spirit. Don't believe me? Read the Bible. So why do so many of us waste that on boring and empty lives? So you're more of a home body. So?! Who said you can't serve God from home?

What has God called you to do? If you're like me, you're still trying to figure that out. But all the time, God is showing me, piece by piece, His plans for me. The picture is still unclear but I'm starting to have a better idea of what it is. Although, something tells me I won't ever be completely sure until I'm living it. All I want to say tonight is don't let yourself and your life go to waste. Do something. Help, inspire, love.

:o)Sarah with an "h"

P.S. Can we call this a follow-up to my “Do Hard Things” post? I would classify “hard” as “great.” Wouldn't you?

Abby Sunderland's blog: http://http://soloround.blogspot.com/
"Do Hard Things" blog post: http://http://thoughtsfromajourney.blogspot.com/2009/03/three-small-words-with-big-meaning.html

God Is Love, The World Is Not. Who Will You Serve?

2010-05-26T22:42:00.004-05:00

Oh boy... Another lesson, God? Another one? And so soon? I'm not sure whether to be discouraged by the fact that I still have so much to learn or encouraged by the fact that God is so eager to teach me. I am anything but perfect and if there is one thing I've learned in the past 12 years of being a born-again Christian it's that complacency is a dangerous thing, so I can't let myself forget that. I am not perfect and never will be. At least not in this life. So I continue to learn. I continue to learn lessons. Sometimes, I have to re-learn lessons. Other times, I am introduced to entirely new subjects and shown character flaws I hadn't even noticed before.

These days I am being socked in the gut by the reminder that I am not where I want to be in my relationship with God. As much as I've gone through and as much as He's gotten me through, I still lack the closeness I long for. It makes me wonder if I'll ever be satisfied. But that's a dumb thing to wonder because of course I won't. Not in this life. And heaven help me if I ever find myself content with my relationship with God.

But specifically, I'm having a hard time with really relying on God and being confident in Him. It seems that in some ways I rely on certain people and the current circumstances for my happiness. I know I've written about this somewhere before. But it's so important to remember that our happiness does not depend on the things around us but on the God who loves us. We all struggle with insecurity at some point in our lives. But the fact is we don't have to. There is no reason to if we are apart of God's family. God loves us. He's got our backs. He will never leave us or forsake us. So who cares if someone in your life did or said something that wasn't exactly nice? And who cares if life isn't awesome at the moment? We have God on our side! And our goal is to please Him before anyone else.

A couple days ago I opened my Bible and this is what I found:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. --Romans 12:2

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. --Galatians 1:10

No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer. --2 Timothy 2:4

So, first of all, that old familiar verse: Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world. The world is self-centered. People who are of the world are insecure and depend on the world to satisfy them. As followers of Christ, we are to do the exact opposite and depend on God.

Second, why strive so much for the approval of mere men when we can please the One who loves us so much that He died for us? And the affairs of this world are so trivial. Why give them a second glance when we can focus our attention and hearts on the God of the universe and beyond?

The things of this world are just more idols on the path of destruction. But God is love and His path leads to eternity.

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. --Joshua 24:15

That's all I have for now. God's still working on me. And I've decided that I am extremely encouraged by His constant teaching.

:0)Sarah with an "h"

Can We Rejoice Always?

2010-05-02T19:43:00.005-05:00

Things have been pretty great these past few months. God has blessed me more than I ever could have imagined He would that day I finally let go of my rope. In fact, I don't think I was even considering any future blessings that day. I think I was just extremely happy. Period.

So the past few months have been awesome. And I give God all praise and glory for it. However, the past couple of weeks have been a bit of a challenge, and this past week has been especially tough. I won't go into details but I will tell you that I was brought to tears a couple times. But it's these recent tough times that bring me to my computer today with inspiration for a new blog. There a few specific people I'm hoping will read this and receive encouragement. But of course, there are those whose struggles of which I am unaware, and I hope that they receive encouragement as well.

Today a thought came across my mind. I can't say it was completely out of the blue because it's something the Lord has been whispering to me for a while now. But today, it seemed clearer than usual. I just suddenly realized that I really do desire and long for that constant worship of my Lord. I want that closeness and that feeling of awe and love for my Heavenly Father.

I came to this realization today while I was putting my shoes on and getting ready to go for a run. I was just excited because I hadn't had time to for a while. I was more excited, though, because I use my time when I'm running to really meditate on the beauty of God. I love to spend time with Him while I'm outside in the midst of His creation. I feel closest to Him in those times.

So as I was pondering this, I started to wonder, "Why can't I worship Him like that all the time?" Why can't I? I want to. I want to be in awe of Him every time I see a flower, every time I see the sunset or a thunder cloud, every time I walk outside and see a beautiful day or even a not-so-beautiful day. But more than that, I want to worship and praise Hime even when I'm standing in the face of hardship. I want to praise Him, to rejoice always, and to be content no matter what.

A few weeks ago, at Bible study, we did a study that sort of revolved around this verse: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" --Philippians 4:4

I'll admit that until that night I thought that sounded ridiculous and impossible. But Matt Chandler explains in the DVD series we were doing that to rejoice is not always to shout praises, smile, laugh, and say, "This is wonderful Lord!" Sometimes, to rejoice is simply to put our faith and trust in the Lord, totally entrusting our lives to Him.

So that's my goal. That's what I want to do. More than anything, I want to be close to Him. I want to walk with Him in this life as if He were right beside me holding my hand and leading the way.

My Aunt Tina passed away this past Wednesday. It wasn't expected. And many people are grieving at the loss of her. I am very regretful that I never truly got to know her for the wonderful, sweet, and shining person she really was. But as I was sitting in the chapel listening to the sermon being spoken for her, I realized something that really did make me rejoice. I wasn't able to know Tina very well in this life but how exciting that we have the next life to look forward to!

It broke my heart to see the downcast faces and tearful eyes of my family as they mourned for their dear friend. But I couldn't help but feel like rejoicing at the expectation of that bond we all will have when we enter the gates of Heaven. Cliche? Never. We should always rejoice for the next life.

But we should also rejoice in this life for the things God is doing and will do in and around us while we are still on this earth. I look at the sky, the trees, the blooming spring wildflowers, the earth lit up by the bright sunlight and am in awe of His greatness. And I pray that I can still be in awe when all that's in front of me is darkness. I pray that I can trust Him. I pray that I can rejoice always.

Sorry if I seem a little scatter-brained in this post. I just have so much I want to share with you guys. This is only a little bit of what's been on my mind. I'm hoping to find some time to share more in the near future.

"Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah"

--Bethany Dillon, Hallelujah

Redeemed, Forgiven, and Free!

2010-02-02T22:09:00.008-06:00

Those are the words that best describe me these days. For the past few months I've struggled a lot with a lot of different things. I've dealt with heartache, fought the inner battles of spiritual warfare, resisted the enemy and given in to his lies, made mistakes, prayed daily, cried many tears, and wondered why I was in that place. Very recently, I prayed something along the lines of "God, I'm at the end of my rope. I'm about to let go. Please, help me hold on."

Yesterday, I was listening to KJ-52's "52 Television" album when the song, "End Of My Rope" came on. That's when something occurred to me.

See, more recently, I've been doing awesome. Last week, something happened to me and I realized a few things. Of the most important was that for the past few months I have been so incredibly selfish. My thoughts have revolved around me, myself, and I. My focus was on my problems, what wasn't right in my life, and what I didn't like. My prayers were mostly for myself. And I don't remember ever sincerely asking God to check my heart. It was always, "God, get me out of this." I nearly forgot that other people suffered much greater trial.

But last week, God showed me the darkness that had overshadowed my heart. I didn't even ask Him to. But I'm so thankful He did. I believe it was either Wednesday or Thurday that I came to the realization that for the past few months, I have not been living for the Lord and I have not been living to serve others. My heart wasn't that of a servant's but that of a spoiled brat, an Israelite right out of Egypt, mad because God wasn't "fixing" the broken parts in my life. I wasn't praising God for His awesomeness, for His great love. I was practically begging Him to make things better but I forgot to praise Him. I forgot that my part as a child of God is to love and praise Him, to give Him my life completely and not complain when things aren't working out the way I planned.

I have been so exhausted emotionally, mentally, and even physically, it seems. All this time, I thought it was simply from all the stress of life and daily trial. In reality, it was from constantly worrying and thinking about myself! It is exhausting to always worry about yourself.

So once I came to this realization, I decided to start living for God again, to start serving others again, and to trust God with my life again. All day, I was filled with this undescribably joy, this feeling of peace and excitement to see what the future held. And that day, I truely let go of all that had weighed so heavily on my shoulders. I let go of that which had tainted my life, brought a dark cloud over my joy, and stolen my peace and contentment. I let it go.

So listening to that song yesterday, I realized that all that time that I asked God to help me hang on, He wanted me to let go. He wanted me to let go of the rope. He wanted me to let go so He could catch me. And I did. Without even really thinking about it, I finally trusted Him enough to let go and let Him catch me.

Now, I feel renewed. I feel like I've been given a new song and another chance at this life for Christ. I am redeemed, forgiven, and free!

This verse comes to mind as I reflect on the recent transformation of my heart and life:

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it,

but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

--Matthew 16:25

P.S. Sorry if this is a little rough. I haven't really been blogging (or writing) lately. But I'm getting back into again. I've missed it.

Looking Forward: Happy New Year!

2009-12-30T19:54:00.004-06:00

There's a question lingering on my mind these days as I find myself standing on the edge of 2009, a year that has brought with it so much change, so many lessons, and so much pain as well as healing. That question is this: What will 2010 bring? Or rather, what will 2010 look like for me? Change is the only way I can describe the present time. Finally, I'm coming to the end of my senior year (I'm sure I've mentioned somewhere that I fell behind in my school work when my family and I did some sailing in Central America) and I'm, at last, able to look at the new year with the prospect of excitement to come. That's not to say that 2009 didn't bring any excitement. On the contrary, 2009 has been one of my most exciting years! But at the end of 2008, the coming year did not appear to contain all of the excitement that it did. I knew I still had another year of school ahead of me. I knew that college was not in the very near future. And ironically, I'm not so sure it is even now. Last year, I fought stress as I struggled with the idea that I may not graduate before my 20th birthday and that I may be in my mid twenties before I ever make it to a university. At one point, I was brought to tears, tears I had held in for months.

But something happened to me this year. I don't remember when it happened or if there was anything significant to mark that it happened. But for this entire year, stress over my studies has been virtually nonexistant. And now, having just completed everything aside from a lone computer course I must complete by March, my attitude about the future is one of anxious anticipation to see what it looks like. It isn't stress or a feeling of pressure to hurry up and go to college ASAP. I've pretty much decided that if I don't make it to college until Fall 2011, I am totally cool with it. Isn't that a contrast to the girl crying her eyes out because she didn't want to go to college in her mid twenties! And I most likely will since I'm going to community college for a couple years first to get basics out of the way. But not only that, there's something new in the plan, something I'm hoping to do in June 2010.

When I was 14, my walk with Christ changed. My family and I had just come back from Central America for the second time, also the last time. In that second trip, my eyes were opened. Finally, it hit me that there was an enormously huge world out there. What I saw before me was not all that there was. For most of my life, I've wanted to travel. I've always been fascinated with the idea of other countries and vast foreign oceans. But the reality of those places hadn't set in until that year, 2004. I was 14 and made fully aware that the world was much bigger than the one I had known for most of my life. And not just that. I was introduced to real poverty, real pain, real need. Anything I had "endured" was nothing compared to that which was endured by true sufferers throughout the world. And that year, a 14 year old kid decided she was going to help those people. I wanted to go on a missions trip. I wanted to go that year. Well, it didn't happen that year. It didn't happen the next year or the next. Today, I am almost 20 years old and still desperately desiring to help the hurting in places I've never seen. For the past 6 years, this desire has remained one of my heart's deepest. Every time, the suffering in other countries are mentioned at a Christian concert, every time a commercial asking for donations and child sponsors comes on TV, and every time I walk into Family Christian and see the pictures of kids in need of sponsors sitting at the check-out, I feel a lump in my throat and I fight the tears that never fail to well up in my eyes. I've never written about this before. I don't know that I've ever even told anyone. But it's how I know God wants me to do something. But I've been uneasy with the fact that I haven't been able to do much for the hurting in these past few years, nothing more than the occasional donation at Family Christian or the church ministry people outside the mall.

In June, 2010, YWAM (Youth With a Mission) will be having DTS (Discipleship Training School). For 3 months Christians of all ages study the Word of God, build character, and strengthen their relationship with the Lord. For 8 weeks after that, they are sent on outreach trips that go to places as near as the next town over to places as far as entirely different countries. The cost is $3,445. I have less than 6 months to come up with this money. But I'm going to try. I figure if God wants me to go in June, He will provide the means. If not, well then, I'll try for 2011. I don't like to beg but this is for a worthy cause. I would really appreciate donations! Hehe I'm not even kidding. But I'm planning on getting another job (to add to the cleaning job I have now) as soon as I finish that computer course. So that should help. We'll see!

So I'm looking at 2010 with excited anticipation in my heart. And as for college.... Well, we may be going back to Panama next winter so I may be doing online courses but if not then I will start in the fall of 2011! Maybe. You never know what the future has in store. Or rather, you never know what God has in store. There are a few colleges I'm looking at applying to for after community college. They all seem to have great departments of English, most likely my future Major. :0)

And now? Well, now, I'm takin' it easy. Focusing on my relationship with God and then getting that computer course finished. I must say that things are a mix right now. There's a little bit of crazy, a little bit of happy, a little bit of sad (only a tinge at times!), a lot of uncertainty, but even more excitement! I'm taking it one day at a time and trusting that God holds the morrow in His hands.

Blessings, guys! And have a wonderful, Happy New Year!

:0)Sarah with an "H"

To a Broken Hearted Friend

2009-11-08T16:54:00.003-06:00

My dear friend,
You're just a baby;
Through this life, you wearily crawl,
Afraid to run, afraid to fall.

Desperately searching, you try
To fill the void with worldly prizes
And man's approval,
Even as they make you stumble.

When will you see the light and accept the gift
That we've been offered?
The short-lived pleasure
Can't be worth all that you suffer.

What is there to lose
In giving Christ a chance
To come into and change your life,
To end this pattern of anger and strife?

Give it all to the One who made you,
Who breathed life into you,
Who gave you your curious mind and fragile heart,
Who knew you from the very start.

The pain I feel when I see yours
Is beyond what words can describe;
But even more, His heart breaks,
My friend, for your sake.

But you don't understand that pain;
You would be confused if you knew
The paleness of my face, the pang I feel
When to my knees I'm brought to kneel.

The prayers I've prayed are countless;
The conversations with God,
With your name mentioned a time or two,
Are innumerable by me or you.

I hope one day you'll understand
This love I have for you,
A love that drives me
To call on the God of the earth and sea.

I've imagined so many times
The words of found hope escaping you lips;
I've dreamt of the immense joy,
Painting a sunrise of hope on the day.

But for now I leave you here,
Leave you to ponder these words,
Words written in love for a friend
With a heart in need of mend.

This poem is dedicated to all the broken hearts and broken spirits, to those who have spent countless days hurting for their broken-hearted friends, and to the One who hears our prayers, feels our pain, and holds us through it all.

Hope, Love, and a Great Passion

2009-11-07T21:46:00.011-06:00

It's been a while since my last post. To be honest, I haven't really felt like blogging lately. I've been fighting another spiritual battle, one a little more challenging than the last. Inspiration for blogging sort of came to a halt for a while. But out of pain comes strength and a new song. And sometimes, inspiration for the blogger.

Ever since I was an 8 year old kid, a new Christian, I've wanted to see my unsaved friends and family get "saved." The thought of not seeing them in Heaven haunted me and I couldn't bear it. But I remained for the most part "a silent witness." For years, I prayed for them. But rarely did I ever mention Jesus Christ to them. Supposedly, as a child I "evangelized" on the school playground. I don't remember this but my mom tells me it's true. So what happened? When did I lose that boldness? When did I lose that child-like hope and passion to see the lost found? I couldn't tell you when it happened. But I can tell you that last year, I found myself strongly desiring to see my unsaved loved ones come to know Christ. Suddenly, I felt called to witness. But I was still scared. What would they think? How could I share my faith without sounding crazy?

But this year, as if by some miracle, I found myself honestly praying for and seeking opportunity to share my faith. Where did this come from? Why was I all of the sudden so willing to put myself out there? For so long, I had made myself a "silent witness," unable to find the right words or the right opportunity for that matter. I didn't know how to do that. What was going on? This year, I got my opportunity. For the first time in my life, I boldly proclaimed Jesus Christ as my Saviour. Afterwards, I was nearly shaking with excitement. What had come over me that I was able to do that? There was just one answer. God. No, two. God and love. But those two words are synonymous, aren't they?

Earlier in the year, I wrote a blog about learning how to love ( http://thoughtsfromajourney.blogspot.com/2009/03/but-greatest-of-these-is-love.html ). It's a lesson I began learning at the beginning of this year. It's a lesson I'm still learning. It's a lesson I won't ever stop learning. But how far I feel that I've come just in the past few months.

This year, I was bold in sharing my faith because I chose to love. I loved this person so much that I didn't care if I was laughed at or bashed for my faith. The Bible says that perfect loves casts out fear (I John 4:18), so I can only conclude that this love came from the source of true and perfect love. I can only conclude that my love and boldness both came from the God Who loved me so much that He gave His Son to die for me.

Because of this faith and this love, I've been hurt. This year, more than any other, I've been heartbroken, hurt beyond any pain I've ever felt. But in spite of it, I've come to realize that this love is a gift.

The only way "the lost get found," as Britt Nicole's song goes, is when we love. My heart breaks today for the ones I love who are still searching for the truth. I want so desperately to make them see the truth. I want so desperately to see them saved. But I know that I cannot save them. Only God can. But love is the greatest reflection of God. Love is the guiding light that will take them to the path they were meant to walk.

Along with love, I have hope. I believe that when those two come together, nothing will stop the lost from getting found. Without hope, what good is love? Without love, what good is hope? Sometimes, I don't want to do either. It seems I'm more vulnerable to disappointment when I love so deeply and hope so strongly. But how could I give up to spare my own heart when there are so many broken ones out there?

Today, I have a passion to see the lost found. Today, I have a desire to grow in love. Today, I have a great hope for the unsaved. My prayer is that the passion, the desire, and the hope will never fade. There are so many hurting people out there desperately searching for love. We, as Christians, must show them that love. If we don't, who will?

Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. --2 Corinthians 3:12

How Do You Know God Is Real?

2009-09-05T17:37:00.006-05:00

If someone asked me how I was so sure of God's existence and of the Bible's truth, there are many things I could tell them. I could tell them stories of experiences in my life where God intervened and there was no doubt that it was God. None. I really mean it. There was no doubt. But first I would ask them this: Do you believe in spiritual warfare? Most likely, they would say "no." But I do. So if God doesn't exist, then why is it that whenever I feel like I'm growing closer to Him, I'm almost immediately attacked. Satan does not want me to be strong in my faith. He wants me to be weak so he can get me to go against God. What does it feel like to be under attack by the Enemy? It feels bad! You're bombarded with discouragement, discontent, temptation, and fear all at the same time. You feel trapped. All you can do is fall on your knees and pray. Sometimes even prayer seems useless. Even though prayer is always the best thing to do, it's not always what I want to do. I can't explain why. It's sort of like falling into a depression. You feel it happening but you can't bring yourself to get up and do something to stop it. But when you finally do turn to God, you don't regret it. God will always reach down and save His children crying out for help. That's when I'm reminded of how great He is--and how REAL He is.

Ever since I can remember I've had an almost paralizing fear. It was the fear of losing loved ones. I wasn't just afraid of losing people. I thought about losing my pets with the utmost dread. When I was younger I cried myself to sleep at night worrying about the day my cat, Spock, would die. When my hamster, Penelope, died, I cried for what seemed like hours. As silly as this sounds, it really isn't. Because that fear became worse as I got older. I began to think about losing my parents. This thought filled me with the worst dread. Some nights I would just lie there in bed unable to sleep because I was worrying about this stuff.

Then in 2005 (I think it was 2005), my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. I was 15 years old and still really struggling with that fear. When I heard the news of my dad's diagnosis, I was scared. But I didn't fall to the floor and start crying. Once the initial shock was over, I felt a peace. I just knew in my heart that my dad was going to make it. If I cried at all during that time I don't remember. People would asked me how I felt and if I was scared or not. I just said, "No, not really." And I really meant it. I wasn't. There was just a peace in my heart. I knew everything would be okay. Even during those days while my dad was going through chemo and was really sick, the peace remained. There were some hard times and my faith was challenged but if I was ever knocked down, I was soon lifted back up.

I didn't realize what an amazing thing God had done for me through that year as my dad fought cancer until just recently. And when I realized that I also realized that I hadn't experienced that fear once since before my dad was diagnosed. I was delivered at the perfect time. And today, I have that testimony to share with you. There are many reasons I believe in God. My faith is not blind faith. I've found truth in His Word and His fingerprints are all over my life. I am not the same person I was even a year ago and I owe that to Him. Everyone has their doubts at times. That's when we need something to remind us. If you're going through a time of doubt, I hope my story has given you some encouragement. God is real and if you can't believe that maybe you ought to look at the changed lives of those who have turned to Him.

The Government Can

2009-08-31T12:16:00.002-05:00

This video speaks for itself. Very funny and so true.

Na, Na, Na, Na

2009-08-26T12:36:00.005-05:00

"You're building a case against me

Prosecutor, judge, and jury

We had this conversation in your head'

Cause I wasn't there, you made up what I said

Or what I would have said; you know me so well

You heard how I am and how I'm going to heaven knows

We've never had this conversation, or should I be calling it a condemnation?

'Cause you're not listening to me

So na, na, na, na, na

That's all I'm gonna say

'Cause na, na, na, na, na

Made up your mind any way

Na, na, na, na, na

There's nothing I can do

So na, na, na, na, na

Couldn't we be friends if not for you"

~Superchic[k]

Today, I've been listening to some old school Superchick. A lot of y'all have no idea who Superchick is so here's a link to their site: http://www.superchickonline.com/ Check 'em out.

So this song is one I can totally relate to. And I'm pretty sure there are a lot of other Christians who can as well. Frankly, all Christians should be able to. I've talked about my faith to people, told them about the love of Christ, and salvation and not only that, I've spoken to the same people over and over saying basically the same thing. But the truth is, many of them still don't get it. I have long been labeled the "goody good" the girl who never does anything wrong, and never gets in trouble, and have even been judged as someone who judges and looks down on other people. Ironic, isn't it?

I'm sure I've written a blog about my frustrations in this area but I'm writing another one. This one is for all of those that have ever looked at me and judged, everyone I've ever shared my faith with, everyone who thinks I judge them because I somehow feel that I'm better. This for you, so read the whole thing.

When I tell you I'm a Christian (a Jesus Freak if you will) I'm not saying "I'm better than you." To be a Christian is not to be better than everyone else but rather to live by higher standards than the rest of the world. As Christians we still struggle with temptation to do things we shouldn't. We still have those desires. The difference is that once we become saved, we are convicted. We want to please God. And that's not always easy when our flesh wants to do something else. And as Christians, the whole world watches us, waiting for us to screw up, which makes it even more challenging to be a Christian sometimes. I'm a Christian but I am not better. I'm not a good person. I've broken a good number of those ten commandments and then some so how could I call myself good? How could I say I'm better? I'm not. BUT as a Believer, I'm obligated to strive to be better than I am. I'll never reach perfection but that's why Jesus died for me. Otherwise, I'd be on my way to hell right now.

So one thing people seem to accuse me of is pointing out people's imperfections. Here's the thing. I'm opinionated and convicted so therefore, I tell you what I think. I do, however, try to keep in mind that verse. You know, the one about taking the plank out of your own eye before trying to take the twig out of your friend's. Yeah, I often fail to apply that verse in my life. But as pointed out already, I'm not perfect! I may give you my stance on drinking, cursing, skimpy clothing (especially bikinis!), partying, dating, pre-marital sex, etc., but I'm just telling you what I think. I'm not trying to make you feel horrible about yourself. However, I would like for you to see the wrong in certain things. We all have choices. It isn't my place to judge so I do my best not to.

But staying on that subject, for people who live their lives in reckless ways and refuse to submit their lives to Christ. What about this? Think about all the people in your life who look up to you. Maybe you have a younger brother or sister? Or perhaps a cousin? What about nieces and nephews? What about children of your own? Chances are those kids in your life look up to you. It's possible they want to grow up to be just like you. Are you living the life you'd want them to have? This song brought that to mind:

"No one talks to him about how he lives

He thinks that the choices he makes are just his

Doesn't know he's a leader with the way he behaves

And others will follow the choices he's made.

He lives on the edge, he's old enough to decide.

His brother who wants to be him is just nine.

He can do what he wants because it's his right,

The choices he makes change a nine-year-old's life.

Heroes are made when you make a choice."

~Superchic[k]

So returning to the main subject, I wish you would hear what I'm saying rather than assume you know what I'm all about. You wouldn't regret actually listening for once.

Driving Adventures

2009-08-07T12:54:00.005-05:00

Alright so I've been jogging my brain trying to think of a good story I can tell you from my time in Alaska and I've decided to tell you about my driving experiences in Juneau. First off, you all should know that I am not the most experienced driver. I just got my license last year (when I was 18) and I currently do not own a vehicle. The only modes of transportation I have are my parents vehicles. My dad's 88 Chevy (I think that's what it is) has been my transportation to and from the beach and other places in Port Aransas but my parents have not been so bold as to allow me off the island by myself. Sad, but true. Please, don't hold this lameness against me.

While I was staying with my my aunt, uncle, and 3 cousins in Juneau, Alaska, I was granted permission to use their vehicles. Yes, my aunt and uncle are much braver than my parents. I, of course, was hesitant to accept the opportunity considering the fact that I wasn't all that experienced behind the wheel and that I didn't know the town of Juneau at all. My desire to better my driving skills prevailed, however, and I found myself cruising down the 2-lane roads of Juneau, Alaska all by myself. I remember that day quite vividly. (It was only like a month and a half ago, but still.) I needed to go to Wal-Mart and Fred Meyer (a store that's a little bit like Target) to get some jeans because silly me didn't think I would need more than a couple pairs. South Texas warmth still had its hold on me and my skin couldn't take the 50 and 60 degree breezes of Juneau, Alaska.

So there I was, driving in the direction of Wal-Mart (after some directions from Hillary of course) but instead of ending up at Wal-Mart I ended up at Fred-Meyer. I decided I must have missed my turn for Wal-Mart so just went ahead and did my Fred-Meyer shopping, which was none. The jeans were too expensive there and I foolishly forgot to bring more than 30-some-odd bucks. So off to Wal-Mart I went. I made it, thankfully, bought some jeans, and took off back down the road to Brent and Hillary's house.

I missed my turn and ended up on the highway having to take the exit that took me back in the direction of Wal-Mart. So I tried again, careful to pay attention to signs and such. I made my turn this time and found my way back to Brent and Hillary's neighborhood on the mountain. Up the first hill, I went, then around the corner to the right and toward the...BEAR! In the middle of the road, stood a huge (it seemed huge to me, anyway) black bear! At first, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. When I decided that I most certainly was staring at the face of a bear, I wondered, "Well, what do I do? He's in my way." For weeks afterward, I kicked myself for not having my camera and then for not thinking to use my camera phone! Instead, I pushed on the gas and drove towards him until he ran off into someone's yard. Even though I didn't get a picture, it was still a pretty cool Alaskan experience that I won't soon forget.

A second experience came with some frustration. Hillary had a mom's day out event to go to one weekened and said that I could go with her and take the car to go shopping or wherever I wanted to go then I could pick her up afterwards. So I left Hillary at a sandwhich shop place at the little "mall" they have in Juneau and made my way over to Wal-Mart to pick up some Bear Hugs (taffy) and Chocolate River Rocks for the folks back home. I ran into Chelsie (a girl I met while I was up there) and talked to her for a minute or so then went to check out and make my way over to Fred Meyer. I wandered around Fred Meyer for a little too long and had to hurry back to the car that I conveniently parked like 10 miles away from the exit so I could make it back to the sandwhich place by 8:30, the time Hillary specified for me to be back.

As I was pulling out of the Fred Meyer parking lot I realized I didn't really know where I was going, but decided to go for it anyway and "wing it." So that's what I did. I ended up driving toward Downtown, Juneau, the complete opposite direction of the mall! So I drove back to Wal-Mart and called Hillary. She explained where I was supposed to be heading and I hung up and tried again. For what seemed like an hour I wandered around in frustration until I ended up at the FedEx place somehow and called Hillary again. Turns out I had made a wrong turn. I wasn't supposed to turn at McDonald's; I was supposed to keep going. So I tried yet again. Finally, I made it back but not without at least an hour of wandering aimlessly around Juneau. That was an adventure all its own. Perhaps it isn't as exciting in type but I tried.

I'll be back with more tales from Alaska but maybe y'all can look at these and tell me what you'd like to read about...
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=26247&id=1051465606&l=28e9da70ac

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=27605&id=1051465606&l=06cca403c8

Adventures in Air Travel

2009-07-16T16:59:00.007-05:00

Well, I'm home. I've been home for more than 2 weeks. I had planned on writing a blog very shortly after I got home but it is not easy to write a blog when you're having to use the main computer and your brothers are constantly harassing you to get off because they want on. Highly irritating...

Well, I'll try to recall the trip home with as much vividness as possible. I woke up around 4:30am the morning of my departure with a melancholy spirit. I had said my goodbye's to the kids the evening before (since they wouldn't be awake when I left) and I hated thinking that that would be the last time I would see them for a while. Once all of my stuff was loaded into the car I hugged Brent (uncle) goodbye and Hillary (aunt) drove me to the airport. Before I went through security I hugged Hillary and we said goodbye. No tears because we're tough like that. :P Once I was through security I found a seat and waited for my flight to start boarding.

I was incredibly tired and hungry but I amused myself by eavesdropping on the conversation between a woman with a New Jersey accent and whom I believe was her granddaughter. She was telling her granddaughter about her family, about her second cousins twice removed and so on. I wanted to laugh when she started telling this young girl her secret: that she didn't care too much for so-and-so because so-and-so was too controlling--or something to that degree. My guess is that they were in Juneau for a family reunion.

So then a woman and her son who looked to be about 20 or so sat down just a seat over from me. The son was a little obnoxious. He wore long board shorts, sunglasses, a ball cap, and Crocs. One had the strap missing (I can be observant when I want to be.). He also had some ear buds in his ears with an mp3 player in his hand. He walked like he thought he was some celebrity or something and he talked to his mother like she was just one of his buds. A family stood in line as they waited to board and the line reached to where we sat. The guy said to them, "You guys goin' to Memphis?" The little girl and her mother nodded and said, "yes." "Alright! Sweet!" he said, nodding his head like he was trying to be confident. Funny. He never said a word to me.

So then we finally boarded. I was fortunate enough to fly on a day when the whole world isn't wanting to go somewhere so I wasn't crammed in my window seat with two people next me. It was just me next to the window and a woman in the aisle seat so there was just an empty seat in between us. The flight went by fairly quickly and I found myself wandering around in the Seattle airport about 20 minutes before I expected to be. I found my gate then went to get something to eat because they didn't serve any breakfast on the Alaska Airlines flight like I thought they would. I couldn't decided where to go. First I went to the pizza and sandwhich place but they didn't sell individual pizza slices so I just bought a water. Then I tried a place that sold deli food. I looked at the prices and left. As a last resort I went to Wendy's and bought a 5 dollar chicken sandwhich. Yes, 5 dollars. No drink or fries either. Just the sandwhich. I was not happy about that.

While I was in line at Wendy's, I called a friend who had tried calling me while I was in the sky and talked to him for a few minutes. After I paid for that stinkin' sandwhich and was on my way back to my gate I called him again and spoke of my outrage at having to shell out 5 bucks for a stinkin' chicken sandwhich. He didn't share my outrage.

I had to sit on the floor while waiting to board my next flight because all the chairs were taken. "Not a good sign," I thought. I was pretty sure I had a window seat and I was also pretty sure the middle seat would be occupied this time. I was among the last to board so when I found my seat I discovered that the other 2 passengers with seats in that row were already there. "Excuse me," I said with a nervous laugh after I had put my carry-on into the compartment over-head.

In the middle seat sat a guy who looked about 17 (if you're reading this, yes, I really guessed your age. That's how smart I am. haha). While the plane prepare for take off, I debated whether or not to make conversation. I flew all the way to Alaska without talking to anyone because they were either a little strange and made me uncomfortable or they were asleep. The plane took off and we were in the air for quite a few minutes before my indecisive self finally decided to be social. "Are you from around this area?" I asked, and an introduction and conversation ensued. His name was Cody and yes, he was from the Seattle area. It was nice to have someone to talk to considering the length of time it took to get from Seattle to Houston. It was quite agonizing considering I had a tight connection. Which, actually, Cody, my anxiety was your fault because I didn't realize just how tight it was until you pointed out the fact that your next flight would be boarding while the one we were on would be landing. That's when I looked at my boarding pass more closely. So he was freaking out which caused me to freak out a little but not as much as him.

So finally, after what seemed like hours (oh wait, it was hours) we landed in Houston. Since we had discovered that our next gates were in the same general area we decided to speed through the airport together. Cody, I keep forgetting to tell you this, but you walk like Flipper swims! You know...faster than lightning. hehe Cody and I parted ways at the B gates entry way but not before I promised to look him up on MySpace.

From there I sped in the direction of Gate B84P (or was it 85?). Then I hit a road block. I found the B84 gates but I didn't see P. So I walked up to a lady behind a desk and extremely out of breath, I showed her my ticket and asked, "Can you tell me where I'm supposed to be?" "Doorway 4," she said and pointed me to doorway 4. I didn't know what doorway 4 was. I thought it was just leading to my gate so I attempted to walk through it. That's when I was stopped by a black woman (I'm not concerned with political correctness, people. She was black. I'm white. No hate mail, please.) at the desk next to the doorway. "Ma'am? Where are you going?" she asked me condescendingly and with that attitude only a black woman can accomplish. Still out of breath and a little disoriented, I said, "I don't know; where am I going?" and I showed her my ticket. "Here," she said, still with the attitude, "But we're not boarding, yet." I didn't realize that's what the doorway was. I had never seen a set-up like that since flying was still a little new to me. So I was mad. No, I was fuming. I called my mom to inform her that I was in Houston, that I hated tight connections, and that I was highly irritated. Then I hung up and waited to be called to board.

A few minutes passed and I noticed it was well passed the supposed boarding time so I walked back up to the lady who stopped me from going through doorway 4. Before I got to her, though, the lady on the other side of the doorway who was supposed to be boarding passengers for the flight going to El Paso said something like, "If you're waiting to board the flight to Corpus Christi, sit down and wait 'til I call you." So I did. I waited for about 10 minutes before realizing that it was 3 minutes 'til my plane was supposed to leave. I thought, "Well, maybe my flight's been delayed," and walked up to El Paso lady to ask her what was going on. When she saw my ticket she went, "Where have you been? The flight leaves in 3 minutes!" I tried to explain to her that I tried to board twice but was sent back both times but she didn't listen. She got on the phone to notify the pilot that all passengers were not on the plane. Meanwhile, a family walked up and said they, too, were supposed to be on the flight to Corpus Christi. The lady was obviously very irritated and walked over to the other lady and she started rolling her eyes and shaking her head. By this time I was really fuming but I kept my mouth shut. Finally, she told me to hustle and get on the plane so I ran to where the plane was boarding but in vain because we ended up having to wait a good 10 minutes to get on the plane anyway because they were helping a lady in a wheel chair onto it.

Well, I made it home but the trip was NOT uneventful. I made a new friend and a new enemy. Okay, that's exaggerating. But the Houston airport people are not on my good side. The whole trip up there, I wore my "Do Hard Things" t-shirt to help myself remember that I could totally do it even though I had never flown solo before. I wore it back home again but my "hard thing" wasn't the getting home part but rather the being nice to unfriendly people part. I did hard things all over the place with this trip. Oh yes... I have lots to tell of my adventures in Alaska. Stay tuned.

Bitter-Sweet Farewell

2009-07-13T02:30:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is my last day in Juneau. My feelings are bitter-sweet. Of course I am excited to be going home and seeing my family and beloved Texas again but there is another part of me that cannot be excited. I've become so attached to my Alaskan family that the thought of leaving them, especially my 3 adorable cousins, fills me with dread. The hope and prospect of seeing them again soon is what keeps me from becoming utterly depressed.

This time in Alaska has provided me with so much experience and inspiration. It has reinforced my desire to see the world. It has shown me another side of creation, one I knew so little about before I came here. Juneau is so different from South Texas. I've always been in awe of the beauty surrounding my home but I've also always wished to see more of this beautiful earth created by an awesome God. I have seen the southern countries of Mexico, Panama, and Costa Rica. I was in awe there and now I have been to the northern state of Alaska. I am in awe here. How can I possibly sit still? How can I stay in one place all my life? I've always been restless and now that I've tasted the life of travel I can't imagine ever giving it up. The only way I shall is if God decides He wants me in one place. But I have to be honest; I hope that isn't the case.

Bethany Hamilton Does Hard Things

2009-06-29T02:24:00.005-05:00

I'm really tired and I should probably go to bed, but I'm feeling inspired so here goes.

I just read an article on Bethany Hamilton. If you don't know who Bethany Hamilton is, she's this incredible surfer who was attacked by a shark back in 2003 (when she was 13). The shark took her arm but not her love for surfing, and today she's like one of the top surfers in the world, I think (Don't quote me, but she's good. Just know that.). Bethany is also a really strong Christian and it's definitely been her faith and trust in God that's gotten her through the tough times. She's such a great role model for young girls these days when we have celebrities like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears having such a big influence on today's girls. And now there's this Megan Fox chick. Don't get me started. Anyway, I read this article and was just so inspired by it because Bethany Hamilton has got to be one of the best examples of a Rebelutionary. If the Harris guys haven't done anything on her yet, they really need to. Maybe I'll email them.

The author basically talked about how Bethany is actually a very shy, quiet, and reserved person. She's not into the fame thing and having so much attention but she does it for her fans, the young girls who look up to her. This really gets me because I'm the same way and I know that if I were in Bethany's shoes, I would clam up unless I had the Lord really working on me. Bethany's shown such great character in following the Lord. I mean she is truly following Him. She's doing hard things. She doesn't stay hidden like she would like to do. Instead, she faces the crowds with a brave face knowing that she's doing the Lord's will. To me that's faith at its best. Not every one can relate to the shyness thing but I surely can. Even though I've come out of it quite a bit over the years I can't see myself doing the stuff Bethany does without being a wreck before an interview or something. Of course, it's probable that Bethany would have thought the same thing before all the crazyness came about.

Check out the article here: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/280996.html

Alaskan Adventure (Pt. 1)

2009-06-26T02:11:00.004-05:00

I've been really bad about not blogging the past couple of weeks so I'll leave y'all a quick note to let you know what I've been up to. If you care to know that is. Okay, what's today? June 25th. Okay, so last Monday (the 15th) I set out on my first adventure into the world of solo traveling. Well, sort of. I flew up to Alaska all on my own and that was a huge step for me considering I had only flown with either a friend or family before. I was never navigating my way through airports on my own. Plus, the last time I flew was about 6 years ago, so yeah. I woke up around 3:30am on Monday, June 15th, got ready, packed my stuff into the car, and rode over to the airport with my family. I was so nervous that by the time we got to the airport I was shivering...and it was 80-something degrees outside! Yeah, shivering is my nervous tick. Don't ask...

Anyway, I went through security, found my gate (which was right next to security), sat, and waited for them to start boarding. Shortly after, I was sitting in a little jet flying high over Corpus Christi and 45 minutes later I was in Houston. The Houston airport was pretty easy. I found my gate pretty quickly. From Houston I flew to Seattle. Seatac was a little more complex than Houston. I had to take three trains in that airport to get to my terminal, but I made it. From Seattle I flew to my final destination, Juneau, Alaska.

I'm visiting some family I hadn't seen in 3 years and it's been awesome. My aunt and uncle are great and my cousins are so cute. They're all 3 yrs older than they were when I last saw them, so it's a little crazy. They crack me up, though. I love 'em!

Nathan, 6

Lilli, 6

Me and Brenna, 3 (next week)

Juneau is beautiful. The first night I was here I saw 2 bears in the neighbor's yard. I've seen a glacier and tons of mountains. On Tuesday I went camping for the first time. That was really fun:) I need to find some friends down south who like to camp! Today, we went for a "hike" up a mountain. That was neat. I think my aunt and I are going to do another hike up to a cave on Saturday. It's an actual hike, I think, so we'll have to leave the kids behind. This evening, I went for a drive all by myself. hehe I had to go to Wal-Mart and get a pair of pants because silly me only brought 2 pairs not thinking about the fact that I'm accustomed to 80+ degree weather. It's about an average of 60 degrees here, but I'm a Texan, man! That's our winter and that's cold for us! So anyway, it was good driving practice (I'm 19 and still don't have a ton of experience since I don't have a car). Oh but guess what I came up on as I was driving back up to the house. A big black bear standing in the middle of the road! It took me so off guard I didn't even think about grabbing my phone to take a picture. I was just thinking, "What do I do? There's a bear in the road!" So I just pushed on the gas and as I approached it closer it ran off into someone's yard. That was my second bear sighting and I still have yet to get a picture of one. Well, I still have a couple weeks...

Well, that's all I got for now. Here are some pictures of my Alaskan adventure...:P

This is the little bridge and creek in my aunt and uncle's back yard.

Brenna dumping some water out of her shoe:P

A deer in the back yard

A raven in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

The glacier

Purple Lupine

Catching dragon flies...:)

The Flume trail

View of the town from the mountain

Faith and Science

2009-06-04T21:32:00.002-05:00

If there's one thing I know about researching controversial subjects, it's that you have to look at both sides. I took on a very controversial subject for my research paper--Creation vs. Evolution. Initially, I intended on gathering all the evidence supporting Creation and slamming the Evolutionist's belief. But like I said, I had to research both sides. Now, please know that I went into this research with only a half-open mind. Being a Christian, I had to guard my mind lest I be sucked in with the lies like so many others have been. I'll admit I was afraid. I was afraid I would come across something that would challenge my faith. I've been praying since day one.

After about 2 weeks of reading, note taking, and headache inducing contemplation, my ideas about the Bible, Creation, and Evolution have changed. I believe they've changed for the better. Now, before you atheists and agnostics (if there are any of you daring to read this) get excited, let me warn you that I still whole-heartedly believe in God, my Creator. I dare you to keep reading. If I could read the words of Charles Darwin in The Origin of Species, then surely you can read what a 19 year old girl from Texas has to say.

I researched both sides, but only for the purpose of better formulating my argument against evolution. I even went so far as to check out a few evolution supporting books from the library. And yes, one of them was The Origin of Species. After I read through those books, I resorted to internet sources. That's when it got really interesting. I started finding all of these articles talking about the debate between Christians over whether the entire Bible ought to be interpreted literally or if parts could be metaphoric. I found myself leaning towards the metaphoric interpretation of certain books. Genesis is probably the most popular topic when it comes to this debate.

Before I got this far in my research I found a woman in the Texas Parks and Wildlife magazine who was writing a book with the purpose of reconciling the Bible and evolution. Her name is Wendee Holtcamp I believe. I listened to a radio interview she had in 2005 and agreed with some of the stuff she was saying, but was unwilling to give up my stance on the whole Creation vs. Evoltuion thing. I felt like people like this Wendee were giving into the world, simply comforming and failing to hold strong to their beliefs. But going back to my change of heart...

I now believe that Genesis is a book of poetry. Truth, but not meant to be a science book. God created the earth. He did it the way that Genesis says He did, but I don't believe that is literally how He did it. There are a couple reasons I believe this. First, while I was reading more about this I found a really interesting point made by a few different people. In the days of Moses, science didn't exist. People were simpler. They didn't know what we know today. It was not uncommon for literature to be written in a poetic style. If God had had Genesis written in a precise scientific fashion, no one would have understood it. Instead of drawing them closer to God, I imagine it would have pushed them away feeling as though God was unreachable as He spoke in some complex foreign language. Second, if you read the first couple chapters of the book of Genesis you will see that the author was not concerned with order. He wasn't concerned with being exact. In chapter 1, animals came first. In chapter 2, man did. It's so blatant that there just seems no way that the author intended for us to obsess over it like this. I believe that Genesis' main purpose was to help God's children better understand who He was and to marvel in His awesomeness. All He wants us to understand by reading Genesis is that He created us and everything around us. It wasn't important to Him that we know how. Possibly, now, He's rolling His eyes at us as we fight each other on the different theories of Creationism. Fellow Believers, give it a rest. We should be fighting those that say science proves God doesn't exist instead of those who agree He exists and created the earth, just not on the way He did it.

There really is no reason that science and the Bile have to conflict. God isn't science. He's way bigger than science. He created science! God cannot be defeated and He especially can't be defeated by science. True science (not Darwinism) and the Bible can work together to help us better understand this amazing God that created it all. Of course, we'll never know it all. We can't possibly know everything because there are things in this universe that are so far beyond our comprehension that only God can understand it. Only the Artist can fully understand His masterpiece.

Letting Go and Falling in Love with God

2009-05-24T16:05:00.002-05:00

I just finished reading some thoughts from Kelly Needham on her husband, Jimmy's website. If y'all haven't heard of Jimmy Needham, check him out here: www.jimmyneedham.com. And click on the "Kelly's Page" link. Her words really opened my eyes. She talks about how before she met Jimmy, she was sort of obsessed with the thought of finding "the one" and getting married. All her energies were thrown into the prospect of marriage. She admitted that her thoughts were focused a lot more on falling in love with a guy rather than falling in love with God, her Creator. She says "I had put another 'god' before the Lord; I had created an idol."

It seems like I came across this at just the right time in my life. I truly believe God led me to it today. I've always wondered about my future husband, but I had somehow managed to keep from obsessing. I had even several times said, "Eh, I'll probably never get married." A few months ago, after my boyfriend and I broke up, I entered into a real relationship with Christ after having been away from Him, only being a Christian in name for about a year. I began my journey of gaining a stronger faith and closeness to my Father, God. But a few weeks ago, something happened. I slowly began straying away again. I started daydreaming about the day I would meet "the one" and becoming more concerned with the fact that most of the guys I knew were...well, just not for me. God sort of got placed on the back burner. Sure, I continued to read my Bible in the morning and pray, but the passion wasn't all there anymore. I was becoming extremely distracted with other things. Not just guys, but school, friends, and just life.

Kelly talked about how so many of us know how to appear passionate about and in love with the Lord, but in our hearts we are not so. She's right when she says that God doesn't want a relationship with us based on the things we do to please Him. He wants a relationship based on a true, wholehearted love. She challenges her readers to let go of the dreams and plans they have for themselves and to truly give it to God and trust Him. God is a jealous God. He doesn't want us putting boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, or wives before Him. I know He's not been happy with my distractedness. I know he showed me Kelly's words to wake me up. Man, I don't even know how I ended up on Jimmy's website! I heard his awesome song, "Come Around," on Air 1 Radio and the next thing I knew I was on his website. Isn't that crazy?! Then I clicked on Kelly's link. God is so amazing.

As I read what Kelly Needham had to say, I felt like the wind was being knocked out of me. It was like she was talking directly to me. What are the odds that I should come across this? I truly didn't realize what I was doing until I read this. It is so easy to get away from God. It's so easy to become distracted with the world. But every time it happens, I know something isn't right because I lose that peace and joy. As human beings we all need that closeness with our Creator. That's why so much of this world lives in a miserable state. That's why there is so much struggle and sin in the world. They're all searching for something bigger. The problem is that they're searching in all the wrong places, causing themselves even greater harm.

So today, I'm going to begin another journey, a journey of letting go of the things that hold me back and keep me away from God's loving arms. I'm giving it to Him. My future is His. That includes my future career, future friends, and future husband. I love Francesca Battistelli's song, "I'm Letting Go." Its words are so perfect and no doubt they agree with the words of this scripture...

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and

lean not on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

2009-05-11T18:39:00.001-05:00

Today, I was reading about the Jews' reaction to Jesus Christ in the book of John. In spite of all the miracles they refused to believe because they had assumed that they wouldn't know where the Messiah had come from when he arrived. They knew He had come from Galilee, so with this they contented themselves to believe that the Messiah they had been waiting for their whole lives could not be this Jesus. That sounds so familiar, doesn't it?? So many people refuse to believe Jesus was God's son and so many refuse to believe in the very existence of God. Even though there is so much evidence right in front of their faces! Man, naturally doesn't want to believe because man, naturally doesn't want to be good. But at the same time man has an innate knowledge and need for God. Open your eyes! He's right there and you're WAY better off with Him than you are without Him. That's all I got for now. Have a wonderful week! :o)Sarah with an "h"

Isaiah's Message is Still Relevant

2009-04-24T09:58:00.002-05:00

"Doom to you who think you're so smart, who hold such a high opinion of yourselves! All you're good at is drinking--champion boozers who collect trophies from drinking bouts and then line your pockets with bribes from the guilty while you violate the rights of the innocent." I didn't write that. The prophet, Isaiah did. I found that in Isaiah 5:21-23 in the Message/Remix Bible. Just wanted to share it with y'all because it's so blunt and perfectly depicts the world today. Guess not much has changed over the thousands of years, huh?

God vs. Theory

2009-04-21T11:47:00.004-05:00

Alright, so I just feel really lead to write this. I've talked about my faith. I've talked my growing as a Christian. But I've never talked about my reasons for believing what I believe. This blog is a result of a conversation I had with a friend last night. You know who you are (Although, I doubt you'll ever read this).

When you hear the word "Christian" what comes to mind? A church? A picture of Jesus on the cross? A pastor? A priest? Or maybe you think of some crazy person standing on the street corner shouting at people as they pass by telling them "You're going to Hell! Repent!" Okay, there are a lot of things you can think of, but I've realized something recently. There are many people that really have no idea what it means to be a Christian. Many will stand and mock you if you call yourself a born again Christian. Probably the first word that comes to many upon hearing the word, "Christian" is "lame" or "weird" or something to that degree. Why? Because it's the way the world has labeled us. Jesus said it would be this way some 2,000 years ago. He said very specifically that people would hate us because they hate God. They hated Jesus because they refused to believe that he had come from God. But really, the true reason was that they refused to admit to their sin. They chose to stay in the darkness instead of coming into the light where Jesus was. They didn't want to be exposed for what they were. That's exactly how it is today.

The New Testament talks about the skeptics and those that simply would not believe. It spoke of those that would come up with their own beliefs and distort the Bible. It's a warning to us all to guard our hearts and to stay strong in the Word, to not forget the Truth. There are those that believe in the theory of Darwinism and those that believe in reincarnation. There are so many theories out there it's ridiculous. But not one of them has any stable Scientific proof. Man is just so determined to believe that God does not exist. They have gone out of their way, reached deep down into the depths of their imaginations and pulled out these outrageous theories. What I don't understand is how they can so fully believe these things that don't even add up. Granted there are some things that have some truth to them. I am not completely denying the fact of evolution. But most of what they've come up with is just a bunch of puzzle pieces from different puzzles created by someone who had no idea what he was doing. Does that make sense?

To those that scoff at the Believers, why do you think we believe what we believe? We are not simply a bunch of church-going pansies that have no clue about the world around us. The true Christians are more aware than anyone about the things happening and the things to come. We believe what we believe not only because we have read the Truth in the Bible, the one infallible book, but also because we have seen with our eyes, heard with our ears, and experienced in our own lives the incredible things God has done and is still doing. Ever since I turned it all over to Him a couple months ago, He has constantly been showing me things that lead me farther on to believe that He not only exists, but is here working in the lives of all those that choose to go where He leads them. Every day I'm reminded of how amazing and powerful He is.

And I know that there are so many that deny the existence of the one true God, but let me ask you this. What if there is a God? What if that day comes that your life here on Earth is over and you walk up to God for Him to decide where you will go? Do you really want to play with that? Do you really want to risk going to Hell? Hell is a very real place. It's a place far worse than you can imagine. And once you're there, you can never get out. You are there forever. Think about that word. Forever. Wouldn't you rather give God a chance? Wouldn't you rather give Him a chance to do something in your life? Wouldn't you rather go to Heaven when your days are up? Sure, you say there is no Heaven. But what if there is?

2009-04-17T11:04:00.001-05:00

I'm reading about social Darwinism in civics today. Social Darwinism is the belief that man is becoming better and denies the fact that man is sinful. For those of you that believe the theory of Darwinism, do you honestly believe that man is getting better? In the past month I've seen at least a good handful of stories of kidnap and brutal murder. One of the worst was the story of a man killing 2 of his own sisters. He even cut off the head of his 5 year old sister! Knowing that, tell me man is basically good and becoming even better. You can't possibly say it and believe it, because it isn't true. Man is sinful. Man needs God. Without God we are just a bunch of horrible people on our way to hell. I'm not saying we're like a guy that brutally kills his sister, but lets face it. We're all sinners.

2009-04-14T22:00:00.001-05:00

Let's go to a Tea Party tomorrow! Stand up! Protest higher taxes! Don't let Obama break open children's piggy banks!

A True Change of Heart

2009-04-09T13:48:00.003-05:00

It's a busy day today. In fact, the whole week has been busy. But amidst it all, God has been speaking to my heart. Yesterday, I finished In His Steps. I can honestly say that book has changed my entire perspective on the Christian life. Every day, God has caused my heart to ache for the lost and hurting. It's as if He's been calling me to be truly active in my faith and reach out to others. Since last week, not a day has gone by that I wasn't faced with the reality that this world we live in is full of pain and suffering and that I am called to go to those that are hurting and point them to the One that can heal them. I'm compelled to live my faith in whatever way God calls me to. I'm compelled to always ask, "What would Jesus do?"

Air 1's got the Revolution thing going on, and today God has asked me to give to Air 1. Every day, there's another story of how the radio station has touched someone's life. Yesterday, a girl called in crying. Her boyfriend had committed suicide and she needed some comfort. She needed to hear a certain song. Scott and Kelli gave her an encouraging word and played her that song. People need a radio station that will encourage and uplift them. There are countless stories of teenagers who were planning their suicides, but were saved by God's grace when they heard a song on Air 1. This is why I've decided to contribute to Air 1. I'd like to encourage you to do so also. http://www.air1.com/

Over the past week and a half, I've changed. I thought I had changed before that, but God is just constantly molding me into the person He wants me to be. Looking at the state the
United States is in and really the whole world, I'm realizing how important it is that we, as Christians, stand up and follow Christ, that we go and reach out to those that are hurting and in need of the love of Christ. If you're a Christian reading this, just think about what it would be like to be going through something really tough and not having God to turn to. I can't even imagine. And if you aren't a Christian, I just want you to know that there is a God that loves you more than you can possibly imagine. It doesn't matter what kind of life you've lived. It doesn't matter how terribly you've sinned. He loves you. He loves you so much that He gave His son to die for you. If you don't believe there is a God, look around you. He created all of that. Look at the people whose lives He's changed. How can you pass up such an awesome gift as salvation? How can you pass up the peace and joy God wants to give you? Anything you're going through right now, God can help you through. He can comfort you and give you a peace you can't imagine. Trust me. I've been on my knees a few times.

What Would Jesus Do?

2009-04-06T15:36:00.002-05:00

Okay, I know what you're thinking. That question, "What would Jesus do?" is like the oldest cliche known to man. We all heard it in Sunday school and I'm sure a lot of you had a shirt or hat or something with "W.W.J.D." on the front. But take a moment to really think about that question and answer me this question: Have you ever really asked yourself, "What would Jesus do?" Think about it. Can you remember a time in your life where you were faced with a decision to make and first asked yourself what Jesus would do if He was in your situation? Well, I'm gonna be honest. Up until last week, I had never asked myself that question. Never. I mean yeah, I've tried to live my life the way I think a Christian should live, striving to grow and become stronger in the Lord, but I never really considered putting myself in Jesus' shoes and really doing what He would do.

Last week, I started reading a book called In His Steps. It really made me think. All my life I've heard that question, but never had I ever really thought about what it meant or what it meant to ask myself that question and then do whatever it was I felt Jesus would do--no matter the situation or what result it may have. In the book, a pastor challenges his congregation to make a pledge that for a year they would ask that question before making any decisions and do exactly what they felt Jesus would do. That meant asking "What would Jesus do?" then giving an honest answer. As a result, the people that made the promise suffered greatly from loss and trial as well as struggled with fear of the greatest kind, but they were also blessed beyond what they ever could have imagined. Last week as I struggled with fear as Friday, my first day of volunteer work, approached, I decided to start asking myself that question. When I asked myself "What would Jesus do?" There was no doubt in my mind that Jesus would follow through with what had been set before Him. God gave me the opportunity to have a servant's heart and volunteer at the ARK (Animal Rehabilitation Keep), so I was going to do it. I'm sure that some of you are wondering why something so small made me so nervous. Well, all my life I've struggled with shyness. Over the past 5 years, I've overcome it a lot, but I still struggle with it, and volunteering at the ARK has been my first endeavor into the world of volunteer work. I've never really done anything like this before, and I wasn't bringing any friends along. I was going outside my comfort zone, and I was going it alone. Jesus was my moral support. He gave me my strength that day.

On Friday, I held a peace in my heart as I rode over to the ARK. Once there, I was sure this was what the Lord wanted me to do. Jesus was definitely with me that day as He is every day. It was really a great experience, and I'm looking forward to next Friday. Air1 radio has been talking about the Revelution. It's all about living out our faith as Christians. Well, that's what I'm doing with my volunteer work, and that's also what I'm doing with this blog. As I come to the end of this, I would like to challenge y'all to ask the question I've been asking myself every day since early last week: What would Jesus do? Don't be afraid of the answer. His way is always the best.

The Government Doesn't Care About Your Soap! ...Wait, What?

2009-03-31T20:46:00.004-05:00

Today, when I went to take a shower I realized that there wasn't any soap in my little soap container thing in the shower, so I asked my brother to run down to the boat and get me some. We live on a sailboat docked at some people's house that we take care of...it's complicated. Anyway, he went down to get me some, but after what seemed like forever, he returned empty handed whining that he looked everywhere but couldn't find any. This irritated me, because I knew there was soap on the boat and that he just wasn't looking hard enough. Highly aggravated, I stormed down to the boat into the bathroom and found it not 10 seconds into the search. I'm guessing you're thoughs are somewhere along the lines of "What the heck is the point of this story? Why am I even reading this?" hehe Well, I'll tell you.

Walking up to the house, something occured to me. Sometimes, when you want something done, you just gotta do it yourself. That's nothing new, right? Well, no, but it seems like people don't believe that anymore. David (my brother) didn't find my soap because he wasn't looking very hard (at all), and he wasn't looking very hard, because he didn't really care if I had my soap or not. It wasn't him up in the house waiting and in a hurry to take his shower so he wouldn't miss American Idol! The point I'm trying to make is that about 9 times out of 10, people aren't going to care about your needs. It's just the way it goes.

As you may have suspected, this blog is politics-related. America has become needy. That's for sure. America is no longer hard working, but lazy and government-dependent. People that voted for Barack Obama voted for him because they thought he would do stuff for them. They thought he was going to give them money and make life easier on them, so that they wouldn't have to work hard. Well, Barack Obama is our President now, but he sure isn't helping the citizens of this country. You know why? Because Barack Obama and his fellow liberal democrats don't care about the people of the U.S.

I'm hoping that people will soon realize this and also realize that they need to step up to the plate and take care of business. We want our country to prosper. We want our economy to be in good shape again. As a Christian, I want to see some morality again! I want to see Republicans take over the White House and lead this country back to the true greatness it once stood on. That isn't going to happen as long as we retain this feeling of apathy. Every American needs to do their part. Every American needs to take an interest in what's going on in their country! What's going to happen to us if we continue to pass the buck and say "Well, someone needs to do something about that," and move on, shirking our responsibilties as citizens of this nation. Also, if you want something, you go out and work for it. Stop turning to the government for help. They don't care! When I say "they" I mean those selfish liberals that have dominated the White House. First, we need to stop relying on the government for help, whether it's run by liberals or conservatives, and get back into the habit of WORKING for our money. Second, conservative republicans need to do everything they can to instigate a revival. I feel like a broken record here, rambling on and on, probably not making a lot of sense. Haha! Well, I hope this wasn't too torturous. I'm just so fed up with people--young people especially--acting like it's not their responsibility to care about the country they live in! It's about 15 'til 10, so I better end here, but I will be back with more lecturing and blog ranting. I will continue to shout this battle cry. Don't think I'll soon grow tired of blogging about this. I won't. Believe me. My computer will probably die long before my passion for this does--if it ever does.

Our Fight for Freedom

2009-03-28T00:05:00.004-05:00

A man by the name of Charles Evans Hughes once said, "...you cannot be saved by the valor and devotion of your ancestors...to each generation comes its patriotic duty." How true this is. It seems as though young people have this mindset that they are too young and their abilities too inadequate to accomplish great things. But just as Mr. Hughes says, it is our duty to step up to the plate for our country. The days of our founding fathers are gone. Those men are dead. While I'm certain that if those men knew what was going on today, they would be absolutely appalled, I also know that they cannot save us. We have to save ourselves. Or rather we need to fight for our freedom and trust God to save us. It's up to our generation to insure that our government doesn't completely trample the foundation on which our country was formed.

I can't deny the large masses of young people that showed up at the polls this past election, but I can say that the majority of those young people were voting for Barack Obama. They were liberal democrats raised by liberal democrat parents or kids rebelling from the principles taught to them by their conservative parents. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It was and is considered cool to be for Obama. It sounds silly, but it's true. Barrack Obama is a rock star. That played a huge factor in his election. Also, liberalism is embellished and sprinkled with a shiny glitter of such things as the effort to "save our planet" and "go green." People have been told that unless they start recycling and driving electric cars, we're all going to die, because the world is going to die. Walk into any retail clothing store and you'll find t-shirts, bags, hats, and pretty much anything you can think of with a "Go green" or some other "help the environment" logo on it. I'm not saying it's not a good thing to be concerned for the environment, but we are not going to die if we continue to drink out of plastic bottles and drive gasoline-powered vehicles. Calm down, people.

But the point I'm trying to make is that Barack Obama and all the rest of the liberal democrats are associated with this stuff. As are celebrities. As a result young people are hypnotized by it. Sure it looks good on the surface, but what are you gonna find when you dig a little deeper?

Conservative young people, we have to fight this. Fight against these people that throw caution to the wind--and apparently intelligence--voting for a party that wants to run our country into the ground. Come next election, I want there to be a huge rise in conservative republican young people. Don't even think about your age. Age doesn't matter. Even if you're not old enough to vote, you can still do something. Educate yourself and then go out and educate the world. Our future depends on us. I'm sounding the battle cry now, and asking that you join me in this fight for freedom, the freedom we were promised in the beginning, the freedom our ancestors fought and even died for. They did their duty. Now lets do ours.

Follow Me On Twitter!

2009-03-24T16:24:00.002-05:00

Hey, Readers! Just wanted to let y'all know that if you would like to follow me on Twitter, you totally can. hehe I really have no idea who my readers are or if I even have any readers, so if you're reading this, please be a dear and follow me on Twitter!:D That totally rhymed! Sort of. I would love to get to know you, so go on. Head over to www.twitter.com/surfinsarah and click the "follow" link. If you don't have Twitter, it's really easy to get. I had been thinking about getting one for a while, but thought it sounded kind of pointless. Then I saw that some bands I liked had one and thought it would be cool to have so I could stay up to date with all the latest with them. It's pretty fun. Be sure and send me a message, too! Hasta Luego!

:0)Sarah

Our Founding Fathers' Worst Nightmare...We're Living It!

2009-03-23T22:03:00.003-05:00

Two phrases have become significant factors in my change of mindset over the past couple of months. The first is "do hard things" and the second is "go the opposite way." They both tell us to go against the crowd, they both tell us to live for God and not for the world, and they both can be applied to our daily lives. But just now something occurred to me.

Our country was founded on Biblical principles by men who chose to "do hard things" and go "the opposite way." These were men who were bold enough to take a stand against the rest of the world, against Great Britain, risking life itself for the freedom and future of a country they hoped would go on to prosper. The United States did go on to prosper. For a long time, our beloved country flourished under the Constitution written up and signed by our founding fathers. But if you compare the mindset of Americans in the earlier days of our country and even that of those in the early to mid 1900s with the mindset of Americans today, you will see a huge contrast. As I said in my last blog, Americans have taken on that "give me" mindset. We no longer possess that work ethic our ancestors did. We're lazy. We're soft. We're selfish. We want other people to do our work for us and give us money for simply being alive.

Government is encouraging that mindset. With its finger in everything, it possesses the power to do whatever it likes to whomever it wants. Government is too powerful. This was the fear of our founding fathers. This is why they made it very clear in the Constitution that the federal government had its responsibilities and the states had theirs. Now, the country has pretty much trashed that and started something totally different, something completely Godless and immoral. Government is no longer guided by Biblical principle, but by human reason.

So where am I going with this? We have got to break away from this. We need to fight this way of thinking. We have to fight for our country and do everything within our power to keep it from reaching the destination in which it's headed. That destination is a country completely overpowered by a liberal, anti-Christian, anti-God, and anti-American way of thinking. Imagine living in a country like that.

Don't be afraid to disagree with this. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you know is right. As cliche as it sounds, it's true. We shouldn't be afraid, because, like the song says, "It's okay to run the opposite way."

To My Fellow Conservatives...and My Fellow Americans Who Will Hate Me After Reading This

2009-03-23T17:28:00.008-05:00

This summer I plan on creating a new blog aimed toward conservative republican young people in an effort to educate and encourage active involvement in the political world. However, I will write a blog today that may turn you off of my blog if you are a liberal democrat or just hate politics altogether. At the same time, though, I hope you won't leave, but rather read on, for you are the ones I greatly wish to reach.

Why is Barack Obama the President of the United States? I'm a firm believer in the importance of young people educating themselves. I'm not talking about going to school, sitting in a class room for a few hours, then going home to get on the XBOX. But then, I really wonder if that's the real issue here. I recently wrote an essay for English about the importance of teens and young adults becoming active in politics and involving themselves in their country's government. One of my main points was that of the issue of liberal bias in schools. There's no doubt about it. Our country's public education system is jacked up. Let's look at a few issues. 1. The teaching of Darwinism...and Darwinism ONLY. What happened to presenting both sides? Is there any mention of the possibility of Creation? Nope. What do we call this? We call it bias. We call it liberal bias.

2. Sex education. Okay, sex education doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's a good idea on the surface, right? I mean look at the rising number of teen pregnancies. But wait. Could some of those teen pregnancies be a direct result of their school's sex education. Instead of discouraging students to have sex, teachers practically encourage them to do it. "Here's a banana, students. Practice putting the condom on it, so you know how to use it when you need it." Our country has taken on the liberal mindset that "Kids are gonna have sex anyway. Might as well show 'em how to do it without contracting diseases." The belief is that premarital sex is unavoidable and impossible to resist. If that's true, then heck, I know some people that need to be in the Guinness Book of World Records! And that includes myself.

And 3. Liberal bias from teachers in every other class. Imagine this:
Billy is 13 years old. He comes from a Christian conservative family. He and his family attend church every Sunday, his parents teach him about the Biblical principles by which he should live his life, and they work hard to raise him the way God has called them to.
One day Billy comes home from school confused and very obviously upset about something.
"What's wrong, Billy?" his mother asks.
"Are we against abortion?" he asks.
"Your father and I are pro-life. We believe an unborn baby has a right to live like any other human being. Why do you ask?"
"What about the mother? What if she doesn't want it?"
"There are better actions she can take rather than killing it," she says.
"She shouldn't have to have the baby if she doesn't want to," Billy responds.

And that's just the beginning. That's how the seed of liberalism is planted. Teachers teaching students their opinions rather than just giving the facts. The teaching that abortion is okay is only one example of what kids have their brains filled with in so many schools on a daily basis. And while my story of Billy was fictional, it is based on the situations so many families face today. It's sad, but kids are tossing out the conservative beliefs of their parents and adopting the liberal views of the world. And you know why? Kids are too easily influenced. Kids are sheep. Kids are gullible. Kids want to be cool. This past election, it was cool to be for Obama. These days it's a fad to "Go Green," fight for gay rights, and be pro-choice. Of course there are those that truly feel that the left is right, that Obama's promises and plans for change are true, genuine, and good ideas. Those are the hardest to convince otherwise. Their hearts are hardened to all that's good. They might as well have no concept of right and wrong, because if you can't find anything wrong with killing babies, how can you find anything wrong with anything else?

Another problem with people these days is the "give me" mindset they seem to have. People have gotten it in their heads that the government owes them, that they shouldn't have to work for their money, because that money is theirs by right. Tell me something. Where in the Constitution do you see "Congress is to provide the people with all funds necessary for living"? I'm pretty sure that isn't in there. And as for all of you that think Barrack Obama is going to pay for your gas and anything else you don't like paying for, I'm afraid you're going to be very disappointed. Barack Obama may speak pretty words, but he's lying. Words mean nothing if they're empty, and Obama's words are empty. They're meaningless. So much for a better future, huh? He's all about change, right? We'll experience change alright, but it ain't gonna be a change for the better. We're going down a path headed for socialism, my friend. And all this "take from the rich and give to the poor" stuff he's talking about may sound great to you if you don't make hardly anything in a year, but guess what. You're not gettin' much. What you're getting is a big fat "I'm letting you go" from your employer because he or she will no longer be able to pay you. When that happens, don't blame me. I voted for a better future. I voted for McCain.

Leeland

2009-03-20T15:22:00.000-05:00

Before yesterday, I wasn't sure how many young people strong in there faith were out there. Then I visited the band, Leeland's MySpace and was given hope that perhaps there are a few out there. In a video posted on the MySpace page, Leeland Mooring, the lead vocals of the band, leads video viewers in worship. As he sings a song of worship and strums his guitar, a passion shines through him like nothing I've ever seen. His eyes are closed and a smile spreads across his shining face. He is overflowing with the love of Christ. Never in my life, have I ever seen such passion for Christ in someone so young. Only 20 years old, and yet, he possesses the Godly wisdom of any of my elderly Christian mentors. It's not just his music, though, that gives him away as being totally on fire for God. When he talks about his faith, there's something in his voice and his smile that reveals a joy so great, nothing can hide it.

But Leeland isn't the only member of the band, shining for Jesus. Band members, Jack Mooring, Matt Campbell, Jake Holtz, and Mike Smith all possess this same love and joy. There's no denying these guys' closeness with their Maker. On top of that, their music is some of the most encouraging and uplifting I've ever heard. Their song, "Opposite Way" is one that especially sticks with me. Moving in the opposite way of the world has definitely been my battle for the past few months, and that song is such an encouragement for me. It's nice to have music like Leeland's to keep me strong in this journey as I travel from one adventure as a Christian to the next.

I don't blog about bands. I never felt the need to. But the band, Leeland captivated me--or rather their spiritual strenth captivated me. I doubt they'll ever read this, but if they do, I hope they're not too creeped out. I submitted my story for their "Opposite Way Movement" as well as sent them an email of gratitude yesterday. I might seem a bit obsessive, but some things (and people) I just can't help but be moved by.

A Side Only the Readers Know

2009-03-18T21:11:00.000-05:00

I hope that my first blogs have given you some idea of who I am. I truly believe that the best way to know who a person really is is to read their written thoughts. Obviously not everyone likes to write their thoughts, but those that do almost always show their true selves in their writing. I'm not the kind of person that can be myself completely with everyone. As human beings, we all have different sides. I don't think I'm the only one that hides certain sides from certain people. When writing, though, I don't feel restricted to any one side. I thank God for the written word, for without it I don't think I would even know who I am.

:0)Sarah with an "H"

But the Greatest of These is Love

2009-03-17T21:03:00.000-05:00

For the first time in a long time, life is good. I don't say that because of anything I've gained materially. I don't say that because I won a contest, because someone gave me a bunch of money, or because someone offered to take me to the Meditteranean with them for 3 months. None of that stuff has happened (yet:P). I say that because I've taken on a completely new attitude about life and my life as a follower of Christ.

God is constantly showing me things, constantly teaching me and opening my eyes. My life, for the past couple of months, has been full of revelation. These days I'm learning probably the greatest lesson I have ever learned. I'm learning to love.

Of course I've always known how to love. I've always loved my family and friends. But there was one thing I didn't know. I didn't know the true meaning of love. I didn't fully understand what love was. I saw love as what I had for my family or what a couple had, romantic passion. But what I've realized is that even my love for my "loved ones" wasn't true love. Love is a choice, not an emotion. Love is about others, not about yourself. When you love someone, you make the choice to be there for them, to go out of your way to bring them joy, to want the best for them. You're happy when they're happy and you hurt when they hurt. To love someone is to be willing to sacrifice your own needs and desires for those of that person. Love is what God had for us in sending his Son to die for us. That is a love so great that there is no way for us to wrap our heads around it. There really is just no way. How can He love us when half the time we're blowing Him off? How can He love us when our nature is such a sinful one, when we kill, lie, steal, and cheat? I can't understand that kind of love. But that is the perfect example of love. It is love at its absolute greatest. It's a love for us to strive for even knowing we can never reach it. I've come to see that the greatest power lies within love. I've come to see that God is love.

I looked for love everywhere. I think I was subconciously trying to figure love out. I remember thinking to myself that yes, I love my family and I love my friends, but what is love? I had always heard in church that love is not the romantic relationship between two people, but that's what I always thought of when I heard the word "love." As much as I pondered the question, I never could come to any conclusion, so I let it go and went on with my life still with that question in the back of my mind. Then I made a mistake. I wanted to know what it was like to be in love. Everyone, it seemed, knew the feeling, but me. One day in December of last year, I entered into a relationship. It was all fine and dandy for a while, but then I became discontent. I didn't feel the way I thought I should. There was no burning passion in my heart. I was happy when he was with me. I liked being around him, but as for love? I couldn't feel it. Less than 2 months later, the relationship ended, and it didn't end on a good note either. Afterwards I fell into a depression, and for a week I lay "in the depths of despair" as Anne Shirly once said of herself. For the first time in my life, I felt trapped--trapped in myself. I couldn't escape the horrible feeling of sadness and regret that filled my heart.

Finally, after hours of prayer, Bible reading, and fighting the ideas the world was putting into my head, the Lord freed me of my depression. A week later, I bought the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. It changed my life. Through that book I found out what true love was, and realized that I didn't need to date to be happy. I didn't even need to date to find my future spouse. I read that book, and kissed dating goodbye. I saw my dating as a selfish act. I didn't want to commit. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to feel liked, to feel loved. I wanted to satisfy my own desires--even if it was at the cost of the other person's needs. While the relationship ended because of a difference of opinion when it came to my convictions (another time, another blog), I was at fault for being selfish. I hold myself accountable for my mistake. I know that what I did was wrong. I know that God didn't want me to date. I did it anyway. In the end I paid dearly, and learned a valuable lesson the hard way. Love isn't about me. It's about you. Love is for me to give without expecting to get something. True love is unconditional.

After I quit dating I did some evaluating of my life, the people in it, and the relationships I had with those people. I've lost quite a few friends in the past. These days I have very few friends. There are many reasons, but I can't help but think that maybe if I had been making more of an effort to be there for them and keep the friendship strong, I would still be in close ties with a lot of them. I always thought of myself as a loyal friend, someone people could trust, a true friend. Perhaps I was, but one thing was missing--love.

Yesterday, I realized something else as I was walking home from my evening run. As a Christian, I am supposed to shine the light of Christ, striving to live like Jesus did. I am to live a Christlike life, and that doesn't mean shirking my duty to love. And love isn't just for my friends. Jesus loved His enemies. He loved every human being. Jesus still loves everyone. As His follower, it is my duty to shine His light, to shine with His love--for everyone.

Ever since I started walking and running, I've avoided eye contact with people I pass (walking, riding bikes, driving cars, etc.) because I didn't want to have to wave or say "hello." It's a weird thing with me. I guess I was just afraid they wouldn't wave or say "hello" back. Yesterday, I realized that even a small act as waving to or greeting someone with a smile can show the love of Christ. To shine for Jesus is accomplished in little things as well as big things, and to accomlpish the big things, I first have to accomplish the little things. Some little things scare me, but I now realize that love and fear cannot live together. One has to go, and I'm kicking fear out. Today, I waved at everyone I saw (except for one guy who had one hand on the steering wheel and another on a phone held up to his ear, and looked like he was fixing to veer off to the right and run over me).

I hope that you've come to the end of this blog with a new perspective on love. I pray that if you haven't yet accepted the gift of salvation God has offered everyone of us in love, then you will now. And if you already are a sister or brother in Christ that you will be encouraged by what I've written tonight. I felt compelled to write this. Believe me. I only write extremely long blogs when I feel the Lord comelling me to. Have a wonderful evening, morning, and rest of the week. Goodnight!

:0)Sarah with an "H"

Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.

John 13:33-35 (The Message)

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I Corinthians 3:13 (NIV)

Three Small Words With a Big Meaning

2009-03-15T00:08:00.000-05:00

This is my latest blog on MySpace. In fact I just posted it a little while ago. I thought I'd make it my first full-length blog on blogger.com so here it is:)
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"Do hard things." It’s a simple phrase. On the surface those three words seem to contain within them nothing of great meaning. The phrase is not profound on the surface, and it doesn’t arouse any great emotion or inspire upon first glance. But take a closer look and you’ll find something so big in those three little words that you’ll wish you had found them sooner. "Do hard things" was a phrase that changed my entire outlook on life as a young person. "Do Hard Things" is the name of a book written by two 19 year-old twins from Oregon.

I found this book on the book shelf under the "Teen Interest" label at Family Christian about a month ago when I was fighting the hardest battle I had ever had to fight—a battle against the world. Temptation, the struggle to do what I knew was right, what I knew God was telling me to do, and the fight to be a strong Christian were constantly upon me. It seemed as though Satan had taken a special interest in me and my situation, knowing that I was weak and could easily be manipulated. When I tell you this battle was hard, one of the greatest battles of my life, I’m not exaggerating. I was under attack 24/7. And there was no escaping—at least that’s how I felt. Then I found this book.

The phrase, "Do hard things" is a phrase that different people can interpret in different ways. It means many things, but for me, when I saw those words on the red, hard covered book sitting on the shelf at Family Christian, they meant doing the hardest thing for me at that time. They meant doing what God wanted me to do—even when I felt everything within me pulling in the opposite direction.

So I bought Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. I took it home, and I started reading it. I ended up skipping to one of the last chapters, "Taking a Stand." The chapter was about doing "hard things that go against the crowd." That was what I was struggling with most. I needed something to reassure me that what I was doing was indeed the right thing to do, and I needed to know that I wasn’t alone. I needed to know that there were other people out there struggling with the same things. Everything I needed, God gave me in that chapter—and then He gave me more with the other chapters.

As I said before, "Do hard things" means many things. I realized with this book that I was already doing hard things, but at the same time I was avoiding the harder things. One chapter was about going above and beyond in a world that expects so little of teenagers and young adults. One girl wrote of a bad grade she got on an English paper when she had been getting really good grades. The thing was that in all her previous work she was only putting the bare minimum of effort, and up until that point it was fine, because the teachers didn’t expect much from their students. But one teacher saw that she had potential, gave her the bad grade she deserved, and challenged her to rise to her full potential, so she did.

But the low expectations of teens and young adults in school is just one example of how low we, as a generation, have fallen. Look around you. I’ll give you one great example of how our generation has fallen prey to the low expectations of the world—MTV. Turn it on right now and look at those people. Now, I’ll admit that not all shows on MTV are immoral and sickening, because I happen to like the show, "Made" but good shows on that channel are very sparse. Now look at those people. What are they doing? Drinking maybe? Having sex? Cursing at someone and throwing out insults, asking for a fight? Maybe it’s a girl throwing her half-naked body onto some guy she barely knows (or maybe she does know him, but does that even matter?). Maybe it’s a guy, obviously drunk (maybe even strung out), trying to pick up girls at a club. Honestly, people, what is this?! What happened to young people of dignity, virtue, and integrity like George Washington, Abigail Adams, and Laura Ingalls Wilder? Three very different people, yes, but they all showed honorable character at young ages. Today, kids stay kids for far too long, and the longer they stay children the worse it gets. They think that once they’ve reached a certain age they’ve earned a certain freedom, yet they refuse to grow up and accept the responsibilities that come along with that freedom. It’s scary to think those people on MTV are the same kinds of people that will be running the world in a few years (and already are today). Can you imagine having one of them in the White House…or even in a class room teaching your children? Standards are so low and becoming lower that it wouldn’t surprise me one bit to see that.

Do Hard Things says to the youth of this world, "Grow up!" but it also says, "Change the world. Rebel against the low expectations and show the world what you can do." As Christians, we especially need to open our eyes to the fact that we’re in a downward spiral here as a generation. If we don’t get our act together, there’s going to be a huge price to pay in the long run.

I could go on and on about all this. I could go into politics, even, but I won’t. If I did this blog would turn into a book. I won’t do that to you. But before I go, I’ll tell you this. After I read that book, I decided to challenge myself and do things that were really hard. I overcame that battle. I won. I guess I should say that God and I won. Without Him, I would still be in the fetal position (mentally of course) wanting to crawl into a hole and wait for the storm to pass. Also, I’ve decided to do some volunteer work at an animal rehabilitation place here in town. It’s an opportunity to do something outside my comfort zone and maybe meet some cool people with similar interests. It’s an opportunity to give. I feel like God is calling me to this, and I’ve told Him before that wherever He called me I would go—no matter what. I’ll admit I’m a little nervous, but I have a peace knowing that God is always with me when I "Do hard things."

Hi, I'm Sarah

2009-03-14T23:46:00.000-05:00

I've had a blog on MySpace for a while now, but I have a feeling my readers are very few and the readings of my bog themselves very sparse. So I thought I'd enter the true world of blogging and see if I could reach anyone with a real love for the written word. I love my MySpace peeps, but I think I could reach more people with an actual blog site, so here it is. Welcome.

My name is Sarah. I'm 19 years old. I won't sit here and write about how different I am from all the others, telling you all about my uniqueness and so on and so forth. It seems that's what everyone does. Instead, I'll let you decide for yourself what you think of me with the future blogs I will write for you. I will, however tell you one thing, the one thing you need to know about me. I am a full on, die hard, conservative, Bible-reading, praying, maybe even insane, Jesus freak. I am a Christian. I love Jesus Christ because He loved me before I even came into existence--before my parents or their parents came into existence. I love Him because He loved me enough to die for me. I love Him because He still loves me today.

Well, there you have it. If you've read down to the final paragraph of this short introduction, not having been turned off by my proclamation, then I'm assuming you will read the blogs to come--or at least I hope you will. Happy reading!

:0)Sarah with an "H"